


all we are is ephemeral

by iseekdaylight



Category: NCT (Band), SuperM (Korea Band), WAYV
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Childhood Friends, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Happy Ending, Health Issues, M/M, Married Life, Ten has an interesting backstory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:00:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 31,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22527469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iseekdaylight/pseuds/iseekdaylight
Summary: Since they’ve reunited, Johnny and Ten are determined to build a relationship and make up for the years they were apart. But then Ten’s past starts catching up to him.
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 147
Kudos: 149





	1. johnny

**Author's Note:**

> This is a rehash of the original _all we are is ephemeral_ fic, which is now deleted. I decided to go to a different direction and skip through the rekindling-relationships part and just go straight to an established relationship, which was what inspired me to write this fic anyway.
> 
> This fic is inspired by the Japanese movie _Girl in the Sunny Place_. If you’ve already watched the film, please refrain from any spoilers in the comments section.

The pizza restaurant is almost close to full when Johnny and Doyoung arrived. A waitress promptly greets them and offers to take their coats, which they shrug off and hand to her with thanks. Johnny breathes in the warmth of the room and the rich smells of freshly baked pizza wafting throughout the room, a welcome atmosphere from the cold outdoors.

“Johnny! Doyoung! Over here!”

They turn to the direction of the voice, and they find Kun and Sicheng waving at them from the area with the long benches, behind a full-blown photo of the busy streets of New York.

Johnny grins, giving them a one-armed hug as soon as he approaches. “Thanks for saving a seat.”

“Of course.” When Kun grins, the dimples in his cheeks are visible. “Sicheng and I left work early, so we decided to go ahead. Is everyone else on their way?”

Johnny nods, following Doyoung on the side of the bench seat across Kun and Sicheng. “Jaehyun’s picking them up. Ten thinks it’s just the four of them having dinner tonight.”

“Smooth.” Sicheng chuckles. “We asked the staff to hide the cake in the meantime.”

“Great.” Johnny fishes out his phone, smiling as he reads a text from Jaehyun that they’re ten minutes away, and then another text from Ten telling him not to wait up for him. “And now we wait. And probably order.”

“I’m on it.” Kun raises his hand to call one of the waiters.

The appetizers are served just as the rest of the group arrives. The bells of the door chime and Jaehyun is the first to step in, causing everyone’s gazes to fall on him. Of course, Jaehyun pays no attention to them since his focus is on his boyfriend, Taeyong, whose arms are wrapped around his.

But what Johnny notices is the person beside Yuta who entered just after Taeyong and Jaehyun. He’s wearing a white polo shirt and black pants, and Johnny vaguely remembers that he, Taeyong, and Yuta had an investor presentation for their business that day.

Their gazes meet, and Ten’s eyes brighten before he grins as brightly as the sun. He waves enthusiastically, and Johnny returns the gesture, almost elbowing Doyoung in the face.

“What are you doing here?” Ten asks, squeezing himself on the bench to hug Johnny. “Taeyong and Yuta _specifically_ told me it’s just Jaehyun and us having dinner.” He eyes his two friends, who look away from him and toward the appetizers.

“I wanted you to spend your birthday eve with the people you care about,” Johnny says with a shrug. “And, well, you know, me.”

Ten snorts. “Clingy.” He kisses Johnny on the cheek anyway before Yuta tells them to sit down and enjoy the food.

Their order arrives, and their table is full of conversations about work, news, future plans, and whatnot. They always anticipate Johnny and Doyoung’s stories from their work at the newspaper, from inside stories that they shouldn’t really spill to gossip on famous journalists.

Then there’s the business Taeyong, Yuta, and Ten are running. Taeyong updates them with the most interesting clients from the store, with Yuta and Ten supporting the stories with wild gestures. Sicheng invites them for the opening night of the musical of which he is part of the ensemble, and they take out their phones to block the date on their calendar.

Once their plates have been cleared, Kun taps Johnny by the shoulder and raises an eyebrow in silent conversation. Johnny nods, and Kun stands up to make an excuse to go to the bathroom. Ten is too busy telling a story about their recent meeting to notice Kun speaking to the waiter.

Soon, a trio of waiters approach them and start singing “Happy Birthday” while the waiter at the middle holds out a plate with a slice of cake and a single candle on top of it. Ten’s eyes widen, and his cheeks flush in embarrassment as their group starts singing along. Johnny’s chest warms as he puts his arms around his boyfriend.

“Make a wish, Ten,” he whispers, pressing a kiss on the top of Ten’s head as he takes the plate of cake.

Ten’s eyes are glassy when he looks up at Johnny; he never cries at birthday parties. He sniffs and closes his eyes, tears trickling down his cheeks as he blows the flame from the candle.

⏳

It’s eleven in the evening when they pay for the bill and leave the restaurant, but it takes a little longer for them to split up. Johnny stands by the side as the rest of their friends hug Ten, shove him gifts, and promise to catch up on their free time. Taeyong and Yuta eventually join Johnny to the side because they see Ten every day at work anyway.

Ten’s eyes are red even though he had stopped crying after blowing the flame on the candle. When Johnny asks him about it, he smiles and shakes his head. “Just got overwhelmed, you know, with the fact that I’m old.” He scrunches his nose for emphasis.

“Wow, way to make me feel old when we’re born eighteen days apart.” Johnny rolls his eyes. He reaches for one of the bags Ten is holding—art supplies from Kun and Sicheng—so he could link his fingers with Ten’s.

Ten sticks his tongue out at Johnny. “Your fault for being born earlier than me.”

“At least I’m taller.” He laughs when Ten lets out a frustrated yell, almost hurling his other gift bag at his arm. “You do remember I’m driving us home.”

He practically giggles when Ten rolls his eyes and does this dramatic sigh, shoulders heaving and everything. “It’s my birthday in a few minutes. Be nice.”

“Okay, okay, but only for 24 hours.”

Johnny lied about being nice because they continue bickering good-naturedly throughout the ride. He keeps his eye on the wheel as much as possible, but it’s a good thing that there weren’t many cars on the road tonight. Everyone’s probably still at their company dinners, too drunk to move.

Eventually, they grow quiet, and Ten leans his head against the car window, watching the view pass by. His eyes are quick to brighten, though. “Hey, can we pull up there for a bit?”

Johnny knows this well. Ten has this knack for impulsiveness and perception of the world like everything is some magical phenomena. Johnny is always the one who brings him back to earth, but sometimes he lets Ten do what he wants, if only for Johnny to see the stars in his eyes.

He knows where Ten wants them to go—a playground with a fantastic view of the city. They discovered it on their first date since reuniting with each other after junior high, and it reminded them of the playground back at home where they used to hang out a lot.

It’s a lot similar to the playground from back home. There’s a jungle gym made out of just metal pipe and a pair of swings on the side, nothing more. Ten loves the jungle gyms best, and he runs toward it as soon as Johnny parked the car. He climbs on the bars and stands at the top, stretching his arms to the sides to balance himself.

The first time Ten had done it, they were thirteen. Johnny got scared and asked him to come down or at least sit down because it wasn’t safe.

Ten never listens, and he doesn’t fall, so Johnny stops getting worried. He reaches for a paper bag in the back seat before following Ten. It’s his gift, one that he wanted to give when it’s just the two of them. He was planning on giving it when they get back to their apartment, but he wants to hand it over when the clock strikes midnight. Johnny’s thankful he decided to stow it in the car, just in case.

“Why don’t you climb up here with me?” Ten asks, grinning. His figure casts a shadow against Johnny, the moon’s light making him look ethereal.

Johnny never joins Ten atop the jungle gym, one of the few disadvantages of his height. He laughs and shakes his head. “I have your gift here. Come on down.”

“Well …” Ten tilts his head to the side. “I can’t resist a birthday gift.” He jumps down the jungle gym, landing almost entirely on both feet, as always, if not for the slight limp on his left foot because of a childhood injury he claims he doesn’t remember.

Johnny looks at his watch. It’s already midnight: he’s just in time. He holds out the paper bag. “Happy birthday,” he greets, pressing a kiss on Ten’s forehead.

Ten beams at him and pulls him back for a quick kiss on the lips. He then pulls out the gift from the bag, and his forehead scrunches in confusion when he looks at the present: a hardbound album.

“Open it.”

Ten does. “A photo album?” He gasps as he flips to the next page. “Oh my god, even our childhood photos?”

Johnny beams, making a mental note to thank his and Ten’s mother for digging through their childhood album photos and managing to scan and send them to him on time.

“I can’t believe this.” Ten stops at a photo of the two of them, when they were teenagers, posed next to the Christmas tree of Johnny’s childhood home. “Wow, this brings back a lot of memories.”

And then Ten reaches the latter part of the album, skipping almost a decade’s worth of memories because Johnny wasn’t part of Ten’s life back then. But fast forward to the growing pains of middle school, high school, and college, and the two of them reunited.

So the photos that follow next are like a time jump—of them in bars and restaurants with their friends, their first date (in which Ten made the first move), their visit to their hometown after what felt like years, their first day in the new apartment they have been sharing for a year and a half.

Then he left the remaining pages blank. “I want to add more photos and share more memories with you,” he says. He knows it sounds cheesy, but it’s what he feels, and he doesn’t want to feel otherwise.

Ten closes the album and looks at Johnny, eyes glassy from the brimming tears. He places it back in the bag, sets it down, and throws his arms around Johnny. “Thank you,” he whispers in his ear. “I love it.”

“I love _you_ ,” Johnny returns, and he laughs and pulls Ten closer when the younger one groans.

“Cheesy, but the feeling’s mutual.” Ten sighs, melting into Johnny’s arms.

They stay like that for a while. The air is chilly around them, but Johnny doesn’t mind, with Ten’s body pressed close to his. This scene feels familiar, too, when they were both thirteen, Johnny unwilling to join his parents in Chicago because what’s a new place without a familiar friend?

Ten pulls away and wipes his eyes with his sleeve. He reaches for Johnny’s hand and squeezes it tight, his gaze on the ground. “Hey, Johnny?”

“Yeah, babe?” Johnny asks, noticing that Ten’s voice is strangely small.

When Ten looks up, there’s determination in his eyes, a kind of resolve Johnny recognizes when he’s willing to see through something, whether it’s a project or some mundane chore at home.

Ten takes a deep breath and says:

“Let’s get married.”


	2. ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> advanced happy birthday, johnny! ♡

He opens his eyes and finds himself lying on his stomach, the surface of whatever he’s lying down on drenching his chest. He places his palms flat on the wet surface to push himself upwards, but as he tucks his knees to his chest, he cries as he feels a sharp pain on his left foot. It shoots blinding pain, making him feel like his body is being split into two.

He feels like the entire world is blurry, but he does his best to roll over on his back and lean against … somewhere. He lets out his breath as he leans against what feels like a rocky surface.

“Help!” he tries to cry out, but all that comes out of his mouth is a sob.

The skies are bright and blue when Ten looks up. How he had ended up here, he can’t remember. Something about wanting to splash on the waves of the sea? How he wished he had waited for his mother instead of getting ahead of himself.

“Hey.”

It’s someone else’s voice; he doesn’t recognize it, but it might as well be help sent from above. He looks up and finds himself face to face with a boy. Long black bangs stick to his sweaty forehead, but what catches him off guard is the light amber eyes that are looking at him with wonder.

The boy holds out his hand. “Don’t worry. I got you.”

He reaches for the hand, as the boy’s reassuring words drown when the walls started to shake and crumble …

⏳

“Tennie?”

Ten opens his eyes and feels the hard surface of the car window on the right side of his head. He sits upright and rubs his eyes before stretching as far as the space of the vehicle can allow him.

Then, he looks at Johnny, seated on the driver’s seat. Ten’s heart skips a beat, and he reaches for Johnny’s free hand, his wedding ring glinting against the light. “Are we here?” he asks.

“For quite some time, yeah.”

Ten feels his face go red, and he smiles apologetically. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Johnny grins, shaking his head. “You look adorable while you sleep.”

Johnny says these compliments almost every day, and Ten would think that he’s used to them. But Johnny seems to say it with so much sincerity that it always makes his heart race. Never too good with words, Ten settles with a chuckle and a squeeze of Johnny’s hand. “Ah, the compliments. The main reason why I married you.”

And Johnny just gets that Ten isn’t the most expressive with words (even though he’s trying) and just finds a way to keep up with the banter. “Just the compliments?” he asks, feigning hurt, letting go of Ten’s hand to clutch his chest.

Ten giggles. “And because you drive and help me get around—”

“And because I’m tall enough to get things high up in cabinets and you’re not?”

“Okay, _that’s_ crossing the line.” Ten’s smiling too widely, and the two of them end up bursting in laughter.

It turns out that the moving truck already unloaded all their stuff and brought them to their new apartment, and Johnny, the sweetheart that he is, decided to let him sleep in the car while he took care of the paperwork.

Johnny holds his hand as they stare at the buildings where their new home is located. There’s nothing wrong with their previous apartment, but since they got engaged (and registered their marriage the next day), they agreed on wanting a space that marks a fresh start.

A fresh start for them as partners for life.

“Ready to go up?” Johnny asks. 

Ten looks at Johnny and beams. “Of course.”

Johnny’s grin widens, and Ten recognizes it as Johnny’s grin when he’s up to no good. Before he could point that out, suddenly he’s swept off his feet, and Johnny is lifting him bridal style.

“What the—Johnny!” Ten laughs, wrapping his arms around Johnny’s neck to prevent himself from falling. “Hey, what are you doing?”

“I’m carrying my husband to our new home,” Johnny declares, already taking steps forward.

Ten laughs again. “Our apartment is on the fifth floor!” he points out.

“Not gonna stop me!” Johnny grunts and shifts his grip on Ten. “Come on, let’s go!”

And Ten, well, actually enjoys this, so he tucks his head on the crook of Johnny’s neck and lets himself be swept away. Literally, because Johnny Suh had already swept him away long ago.

⏳

Johnny must have eventually realized that, despite his tall stature and strong arms, that carrying another person up five flights of stairs isn’t such a great idea. His pace starts to slow, and Ten could feel Johnny’s arms sagging, so Ten decides to cheer him on.

“Come on, babe, just a couple of steps to go!” Ten says, pumping his fist while trying to keep himself steady on Johnny’s grip.

“I’m trying!” Johnny wheezes, every step he makes looking labored. Ten would have suggested taking the elevator instead, but he’s enjoying this too much. _Way too much_. He kisses Johnny on the cheek. “There, you’re powered up!”

Johnny laughs, returning the kiss on Ten’s cheek. “Just the booster that I need.” He fixes his grip on Ten once more and takes slow, deliberate steps up the last flight of stairs.

They both cheer when they finally reach the fifth floor. Johnny’s knees give way, and Ten squeaks as his butt lands on the cold, hard concrete. But they were both laughing, and Ten really does hug Johnny for a job well done.

“Hey, are you two okay?”

They stop laughing and look to the direction of the voice. There’s a boy in his school uniform, looking at them with concern. Then again, the two of them probably looked strange, laughing while sitting on the floor outside their apartment.

“Donghyuck!” 

A woman’s voice follows when the door next to theirs opens, and they see a figure of a woman step out. “Donghyuck, I told you not to go out without my—oh.” Her gaze turns to Johnny and Ten, who are still down on the floor. “Are you two alright?”

“Yup, yup, sorry about that!” Johnny is the first to stand up, helping Ten up then dusting his hands on his jeans. “I’m Johnny and this is Ten. We’re moving in today.”

“Oh!” The woman blinks, realization dawning on her face. “Yes, the landlord did mention someone new coming in.” She smiles, holding out her hand. “I’m Chanmi, your neighbor. And you’ve met my son, Donghyuck.”

Johnny and Ten introduce themselves, and Chanmi lets them go because she’s still cooking something for dinner. Donghyuck gives them one last look before following his mother, and they hear a “They’re weird!” and a reprimanding shush before the door next to theirs closes.

They share a laugh before Johnny fishes out the key to enter the apartment. “Well,” Johnny declares as steps inside. “This is it.”

It’s still unfurnished, the entire space full of boxes that they’ve yet to open and sort out. Yet, Ten can already imagine what it would be like living here with Johnny. Just the two of them cuddled on the couch as they binge on a Netflix show, Johnny cooking while Ten helps, good-naturedly arguing about the laundry, and maybe getting a pet …

It isn’t so different from when they started a relationship and moved in together. But Ten’s looking forward to each day, knowing that Johnny will be there forever.

“Which space should we fix first?” Ten asks.

Johnny hums. “It’s getting late, so probably the bedroom. And maybe set up our toiletries in the bathroom, too?”

“Sounds good to me.”

Ten sets up the Bluetooth speakers so that music fills the apartment as they get to work. They work quietly, talking to each other when they need to ask the other one to get something. Johnny takes charge of setting up the bed while Ten focuses on the rest—unpacking clothes and personal items and storing them into respective cabinets.

Ten has basically finished setting up the decorations when he pulls out the final touch, a hanging decor consisting of bird cutouts that look like they’re flying. He couldn’t stop playing with it while he and Johnny were out shopping at the home department store, and Johnny couldn’t resist his pleading eyes.

Before he knows it, they’re standing against the kitchen counter, eating takeout chicken and drinking beer. It’s already nine in the evening, and they’re both bones-deep exhausted. Johnny, who had to shoulder most of the physical labor, leans his head against Ten’s shoulder and fake-snores, much to his amusement.

He rewards Johnny anyway by letting him have the last piece of chicken, and a kiss on the top of his head. “Get some sleep,” he says. “I’ll take care of the trash.”

Johnny looks at him gratefully before peeling himself off Ten and padding toward the bathroom, careful not to bump into anything.

Ten clears the table of all their disposables and stuffs them in the plastic bag that came with their delivery. They still haven’t set up the trash bin, so he has to go out and head to the trash chute on their apartment floor.

By the time he has returned, Johnny has already fallen asleep. Ten chuckles, reaching for his clothes before slipping in the bathroom to get changed himself.

Johnny automatically snakes his arms around Ten as he lies down, finally feeling the exhaustion taking over. “What do you think?” Johnny asks.

“Of what?” Ten turns around so that he’s facing Johnny, eyes closed, but the smile on his lips tells Ten otherwise.

Johnny opens his eyes, and Ten knows he’d be willing to drown in those honey-colored eyes any time. “It’s a nice place, huh?”

“It is.” Ten smiles, though he and Johnny could live in the middle of nowhere and he’d still be happy.

A hand cups his cheek, and Ten presses a kiss on the scar on the side of Johnny’s hand, a result of some childhood incident. “Hey.” Johnny smiles back. “I’m glad I married you.”

Ten clearly remembers how the two of them have come so far from this, from shyly meeting each other when they were thirteen to when it was just the two of them against the entire school. He’s glad that Johnny was always there to save him, to be by his side, and Ten wants nothing more than to return the favor.

“Me, too, Johnny. Me, too.”

Johnny leans forward and kisses him. Ten, as always, feels like falling as he opens his mouth and closes his eyes, letting Johnny kiss him like he’s trying to learn how to speak through a thorough study of the way Ten’s mouth moves.

“You know.” Johnny suddenly pulls away, laughing when Ten whines. He makes up for it by peppering kisses on Ten’s neck. “We still have to christen this place.”

Ten laughs at that. “Aren’t you exhausted?” he asks, though he isn’t really opposed to it.

Johnny’s already on top of him a few seconds later. “We don’t have to start setting up the rest of the place as soon as we wake up.”

Well … they had taken a few days off from work so they could set up their new place and get used to married life ( _holy shit_ ) and all, so they aren’t exactly in a hurry. “Okay,” he says.

Ten reaches out, and Johnny catches his hands, holding it tightly, so tightly.


	3. johnny

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ten's parents in this fic are purely fictional. any person in real life who bears similarities in name and personality is completely coincidental.

Coming back to Yeosu brings a nauseous warmth in the pit of Johnny’s stomach. It’s been more than a decade since he had last been here, and everything else in his memories that don’t involve his parents or Ten range from blurry to unwelcome.

At least, Ten’s house looks the same as he remembers. A two-story house with a wide deck overlooking the sea. Johnny would have thought it was the perfect vacation or retirement home, which was apt because Ten mentioned that his parents are now happily retired.

Almost beside it is a house in an almost similar, though smaller, build. It used to be Johnny’s house.

“Mom said the owner uses it as an AirBnB,” Ten says as Johnny parks the car in the nearby lot, next to what he assumes is Ten’s father’s car. “She likes welcoming the guests herself and making dinner for them.”

“Sounds like your mom, alright.” Johnny remembers Mrs. Lee knocking on their door during the day and exchanging casserole pots and plastic food containers with his mother. He remembers he always looked forward to Mrs. Lee’s fish stew.

He takes their bags and follows Ten toward the house. Before they could even near the house, the door swings open, and a middle-aged woman steps out, enveloping Ten into a hug. Despite the graying hairs and the slower pace in her step, nothing about Mrs. Lee has changed.

Her smile brightens as Johnny walks toward her, a bit cautiously. “There’s my son-in-law!” she exclaims, pulling him for a hug. “How was the drive?”

Johnny instantly relaxes. “It’s fine, Auntie.”

She pulls away and shakes her head. “I’m your mother-in-law now, Johnny. Stop calling me Auntie. It’s Sooyeon now.”

Johnny nods, feeling the warmth spread to his face. Their marriage had been so sudden, he hasn’t thought much about dealing with in-laws yet.

“Is Dad home?” Ten asks, peering inside.

“In the living room,” Mrs. Lee—Sooyeon—calls over her shoulder, chuckling as Ten heads inside. She pulls Johnny by the arm. “Come on, now. You must be tired.”

He rarely got to interact with Mr. Lee, so Johnny always regarded the older man as stoic, intimidating, as expected from someone who’s head of the city’s police force. Mr. Lee’s expression, though, is fond as he hugs Ten from where he’s sitting on the sofa.

When it was Johnny’s turn to greet him, Mr. Lee’s expression hardens, his grip firm as he shakes Johnny’s hand. He did insist to drop the Uncle and call him Junhyung instead, so that’s a start.

Sooyeon tells them to go upstairs while she prepares dinner. Ten takes him by the hand and drags him to his room.

Johnny had always been over at Ten’s room since they became friends. They would come over each other’s places to study, read comic books, and play video games. After their first kiss at the playground, kissing and cuddling came into the picture.

Ten’s room is spic and span, full-blown versions of his artworks lining the walls. Beside the desk is a large glass sliding door, leading to a balcony and a full view of the stunning sea. “Now I remember what I miss the most about this place,” Johnny remarks, sliding the door open to step out, leaning against the wooden railing.

Ten joins him, their arms brushing against each other. “Do you wanna go out?” he asks. “Explore the town?”

Part of Johnny wants to, but exhaustion is finally creeping up to him. “Maybe tomorrow,” he says, pressing a kiss on the top of Ten’s head. “For now, I just wanna get some rest.”

Johnny ends up napping, and he didn’t realize he was exhausted until he woke up and saw the sky already in its orange hue. Ten is nowhere to be found, but Johnny’s not worried; he’s probably downstairs with his parents.

Sure enough, he spots Ten in the kitchen, being ordered around by his mother. Johnny chuckles at the sight before making his presence known. “Sorry I overslept,” he says, moving to kiss Ten on the cheek, causing his husband to almost drop a plastic container full of kimchi.

“It’s fine. Ten and I are managing well here.” Sooyeon pats Johnny’s hand before returning her attention to the stove.

“Anything else I can help you guys with?” Johnny asks, glancing at the spread of ingredients before the long kitchen island.

“I think Junhyung needs help setting up the table outside.”

Oh. He’d much rather stay in the kitchen with Sooyeon and Ten, but he doesn’t want to make it feel like he’s scared of Junhyung either. After all, Johnny’s technically part of this family now, as Ten is part of his side of the family. He mentally sighs and nods, heading to the garden.

It turns out that Junhyung didn’t need much help. He had already finished setting up the tables and chairs, though he did ask Johnny to grab the tablecloth and other things to set up the table. “And bring two cans of beer while you’re at it.”

Junhyung has the outdoor lights turned on by the time Johnny returns. A thin line forms on his lips as he accepts the can Johnny hands him, muttering a word of thanks.

They spend a couple of minutes in silence, Junhyung’s gaze out at the stunning view of the sea before them. Johnny remembers padding through the shores of this beach, enjoying the feel of the sand on his feet and the gentle waves of the sea.

Come to think of it, he and Ten had never played that much at the beach …

“Have you two decided on a wedding date?” Junhyung’s voice finally breaks the silence.

Johnny nods. “This May,” he says. “My parents will be flying here from Chicago, and that’s the earliest date they could get.”

Junhyung nods, sipping his beer. “And the place?”

“Ten and I booked a place at Dress Garden.” His lips tug up as he remembers how Ten stood at the center of the area, eyes wide with wonder, and Johnny knew that was _the_ place. He couldn’t see themselves anywhere else declaring their vows to each other. “We should be sending you the full details by next week.”

Another nod, another sip of his beer, another stretch of silence. Honestly, Johnny is beginning to understand (more clearly) that Ten takes after his mother.

At least, until Junhyung speaks again. “I hope you never get tired of Ten despite his impulsive side.”

“Never.” He shakes his head. Everything about being with Ten was like a whirlwind—the day they first met and parted, the day they reunited and decided to try again with a relationship, the day they got engaged and registered their marriage a day later.

It was so not Johnny to be swept away by plunging into something without a semblance of a plan. But then, with Ten by his side, he’s willing to take the plunge into anything, anywhere, anytime.

Junhyung sets down his can and shifts so that he’s face to face with Johnny. “Has Ten … ever mentioned anything about his past?” he asks.

Johnny blinks. Now _that_ is one thing they never talk about. “Is this about the fact that he’s adopted?” he asks. Ten doesn’t look hung up on it, so he doesn’t really bring it up.

Junhyung nods. “He never told you about how he was adopted, did he?”

There was more to this story? Then again, Johnny was told not to ask unless it was brought up, and the reason he was shunned at school was that he had enough of his classmates making fun of Ten for being a “foster child.”

“We—my men and I—found him stumbling by the shores. He wasn’t wearing anything, and he couldn’t remember anything, just that his name is Ten.” There’s a wave of emotion crossing Junhyung’s eyes, one that Johnny has never seen before. “No one was looking for him, and Sooyeon and I wanted a child of our own …”

Johnny understands, and he’s grateful for it. “If you haven’t done it, Ten wouldn’t be where he is now. And even if his memory comes back, I don’t care. I’d still choose Ten, and I’ll say that much when we read our vows.”

A rare smile crosses Junhyung’s face. He reaches for his can and raises it. “I see why Ten loves you.”

They fall back to silence after that, but Johnny feels the atmosphere change. No longer does he want to shrink in the presence of Lee Junhyung. Rather, he feels like he can stand beside his father-in-law with confidence.

⏳

Dinner was a cheerful affair, and while Johnny has been to a few dinners with the Lees when he was a kid, it was this moment that he felt he was part of the family. Junhyung asks them about work and Sooyeon gives them suggestions about the wedding.

Sooyeon decides to embarrass Ten by taking out a photo album containing childhood pictures. Johnny catches up on what Ten had been up to since he left. Not that he hadn’t been updated before, but it’s nice to finally put a picture to stories because Ten absolutely refuses to show Johnny his childhood photos.

It’s eleven o’clock when Ten’s parents retired for bed, leaving them sitting outside, looking out into the garden. Ten’s head is on his shoulder, and Johnny has his arm wrapped around Ten’s waist.

It might be a good time to tell Ten about Johnny’s conversation with Junhyung, so he does so. “Your dad and I had a talk about your past.”

This causes Ten to sit up straight and stare at him with wide eyes. “What did he say?”

Johnny feels his husband tense on his grip, so he rubs soothing circles on the small of Ten’s back. “He was just worried about you,” he says. “His job was to keep people safe, and he wants the same for you.”

“He’s always worried that my memories as a kid would come back and people would leave me or something.” Ten sighs. “We both don’t even know what I was like before. And I don’t think I wanna know anymore.”

Johnny presses his lips on the top of Ten’s head. “It doesn’t matter to me anymore.”

“Even if I turned out to be a teen serial killer at thirteen?” Ten’s smile now almost reaches his eyes, and Johnny’s heart skips a beat.

He laughs at that. “You could probably murder me in my sleep and I’d thank you for it.”

“What stan Twitter behavior is this, John Suh?” Ten laughs back and lurches himself toward Johnny, enveloping him in a hug. “Ugh, what would I be without you?”

Johnny chuckles, tilting Ten’s chin up until their lips meet.

Ten practically purrs when they pull away, arms resting on Johnny’s shoulders. “I love you, you know that?” he says.

Ten has never been good with words, so Johnny cherishes the fact that he’s trying. He feels his heart swell as he pulls Ten closer to him. “I know. I love you, too.”


	4. ten

The walls surrounding him are white and bare, a stark contrast to the dusty and gray walls he had known all his life. He sits, legs tucked to his chest as he stares at the blank spaces, eventually to the view of the sea from the large glass windows.

He hears a creak, and he turns his attention to the door. A woman’s face peeks out, her smile reaching her eyes. “Youngheum?” she says, her voice light.

The name causes him to wince. He had told her and the scary man that his name is Ten, but they insisted on giving him another name. “Yongheum is just for the papers,” they had told him, “but we’ll call you Ten, if that’s what you want.

He’s supposed to call her “Mom” now, but he can’t find himself to do so. Not yet. His real mother had told him that it would take some time, although he finds comfort with how this woman fusses over him and feeds him until he’s full.

Her gaze softens. “We’d like to introduce you to someone.”

He follows her downstairs and to the living room, where he sees two figures sitting on the couch. One of them is a woman whose hair is in a bun, hand running through the hair of the young boy next to him, who is busy punching buttons on a black box he’s holding horizontally.

“Myeoryun, I’d like to introduce you to our son. His name is Youngheum, but he likes to be called Ten.” Her grip on his shoulder is gentle as he guides him forward. “Ten, this is Johnny, and this is his mother, Auntie Myeoryun. They’re our neighbors.”

The boy looks up, and _oh_. Ten’s heartbeat quickens as his eyes meet the boy’s honey-colored ones. The boy sets down the black box and holds out his hand. “Hi. I’m Johnny.”

⏳

The view before him is stunning, and if Ten had his way, he would want to gaze at it forever instead of the lights and noises back in Seoul. He leans against his chair, sighing in contentment as the breeze brushes through his face.

“You’re shivering.”

Ten looks over his shoulder, and his heart races when he sees Johnny approaching. He tilts his head up just as Johnny tilts his down, allowing their lips to brush against each other. Johnny pulls away and hands a plastic cup to him, which he accepts with thanks. “I forgot to bring my scarf. Or my sweater.”

Johnny laughs and shakes his head, shrugging off his jacket and taking Ten’s coffee cup. “You just want to wear my clothes.” But still, he hands his jacket without any resentment.

“I’m not gonna deny that.” Ten sticks his tongue out, putting on the jacket and relishing the warm feeling of sleeves being too long for his arms. He takes back his coffee cup and takes a sip.

Johnny takes his free hand, and they walk along the shores of the beach in comfortable silence. Ten thinks they’re like in this fantasy where they both are in peaceful bliss and have no plans of settling back to reality any time soon. 

Yes, he enjoys work and working with his cousin and a good friend from college, and hanging out with his best friends Kun and Sicheng, but being with Johnny just makes him want to forget and run away from everything before—

He doesn’t even want to think about it, lest he worries Johnny. Johnny knows him well and can pick up on changes in his behavior more quickly than he does. And Ten doesn’t know how to explain this, what’s going to happen.

“Tennie? You okay?”

 _Oh shit, did he pick up on my thoughts?_ He looks up at Johnny and smiles as best as he can. “I’m fine. Just don’t wanna go back tomorrow.”

Whether or not Johnny buys his response, he doesn’t show it. Instead, he squeezes Ten’s hand and points to a distance. “Should we go there?”

They’ve reached the side of the beach where the sandy grounds end and the rocky surfaces begin. He feels his stomach drop as he watches soft waves crash on the rocks, and he takes a step back, feeling fortunate that he’s almost finished with his coffee. “We should go back to town,” he says. “We still haven’t visited our favorite hangout, and we’re supposed to help Mom prepare dinner.”

Johnny doesn’t look bothered by that and nods.

⏳

It’s been years since Johnny has been to Yeosu, and the city has changed since then. Ten becomes the designated tour guide, showing him familiar sights and new ones. They head to the local market and to try street food, and they run into some previous classmates and catch up on what they’ve been up to.

Ten finds it strange that the people who they are talking to were the people who avoided them back in middle school (and high school, in Ten’s case). Then again, they were thirteen and impulsive at that time. Now, they’re all almost in their mid-twenties, and a little more mature and regretful of the things they have done when they were kids.

Their classmates congratulate them for the marriage and remark that they saw it coming. They just shake their head in amusement as they say their goodbyes and head off.

“Glad to see they’re nicer now,” Johnny remarks, swaying their hands as they cross the street.

“Remember when they slapped margarine on my hair?” Ten had remembered how his face had warmed up when everyone had ganged up around him and laughed when someone slapped something greasy on his head, rubbing it all over his hair.

Johnny shudders. “And then I don’t know what came over me when I decided to slap margarine on Hayoon’s face in revenge. Thank god my parents were cool about it even if I came home with the teacher. It was really embarrassing, though.”

They reach their destination, the playground where they used to hang out when they were kids. Ten’s pace quickens as he nears the metal jungle gym, and he’s at the top within seconds. 

Johnny just leans against the jungle gym, looking up at him with amusement. He used to worry whenever Ten would climb up, but now he’s used to it. Ten had never fallen from the structure, even if he would jump down from a couple of feet.

“Hey,” Ten says as he sits down on top of the structure, swaying his feet as he looks out at the view of the town. “Remember when we first kissed here?”

It was nothing extraordinary, if Ten says so himself. They were enumerating the people who had tried to bully them after the Margarine Incident, talked about moving to Seoul for university, and Ten declaring he’ll go to any school Johnny would go to.

Johnny had talked about leaving for Chicago because his father’s company needed him back there. His father was promoted to a managerial position back at headquarters, and it was an amazing opportunity. The thing is, his father couldn’t compromise leaving for Chicago on his own; his entire family should be with him as well.

Ten remembers crying for hours at the announcement and Johnny pulling him close.

Johnny hums, leaning against the jungle gym a little forcefully that it sends the structure swaying, just a bit. “Of course I do,” he says, a softness in his voice that makes Ten’s heart race. “That was my first.”

Ten’s, too. He sighs and edges himself off the jungle gym to jump down, landing almost perfectly on two feet, as always, if not for the limp on his left foot. He takes Johnny’s hand and squeezes it tight, eyes lingering on his husband’s childhood scar.

“What are you thinking about?” Johnny asks.

He hums, dragging his thumb along the scar. “Just wondering if we have the time to go back here.”

“We _should_ make time. We could probably spend spring or summer here in Yeosu then go to Chicago during the fall or winter.”

Ten looks up at Johnny. “Really?” he asks, eyes widening. He had tried, for the life of him, to get to Chicago, but school and work commitments, not to mention visa issues, got in the way.

“Yeah.” Johnny grins. “We’re family, after all.”

None of their plans as kids went down as expected. Johnny moved to Chicago a couple of months later, leaving Ten to work hard to get into a university in Seoul.

Still, Ten doesn’t mourn the goals he didn’t meet. His thirteen-year-old self revolved around Johnny, and being away from Johnny for the past eight years taught him more about himself and what he wants. 

If he had been still following Johnny for a lovesick puppy, maybe their relationship wouldn’t have worked and this marriage wouldn’t have happened. And Ten is grateful that things have gone the way they were, even if a lot of time has passed.

⏳

It’s early evening when they walk back, hand in hand, to Ten’s home. He’s reluctant to go back to Seoul the next day, but he also feels guilty about Taeyong and Yuta shouldering his work when they have an upcoming fashion event. Johnny’s schedule is more hectic, working for a national publication and all, so they have a lot of workloads to catch up on.

“Hey!” Johnny lets go of his hand, and suddenly he’s running toward a flight of concrete stairs. “Tennie, look!” He crouches down, revealing a stray cat that looks unamused at Johnny’s presence. “Isn’t he adorable?”

Ten sighs, his pace slow as he approaches Johnny and the cat. Johnny always has a soft spot for animals, especially dogs and cats. Whether they’re in Yeosu or Seoul, his tall husband would crouch down and coo at any sight of pet on a leash or on someone else’s arms.

It doesn’t really sit well with him for some reason.

“Jealous of an adorable kitty?” Johnny coos, running his hand through the cat’s fur.

Ten pouts and shakes his head. “I’m not,” he says, though the whine that escapes his mouth is anything but. “It’s not even cute.”

Johnny chuckles and stands up, moving forward to rub Ten’s cheek. “You’re still my favorite, though.”

“I’d better be.” Ten smirks. “We’re married, after all.”

The cat meows, looking displeased at the attention it had lost, and stands on all four feet, climbing up the stairs. Johnny doesn’t seem too sad with the loss, shrugging and taking Ten’s hand. 

Just as they walk past, Ten looks up at the view leading up the stairs, and his eyes widen.

The cat jumps up into the arms of a woman, those sharp, narrow eyes sending goosebumps throughout his body.

⏳

He climbs those stairs when night has fallen and when everyone is asleep. He’s lucky that his parents are heavy sleepers. Johnny would probably wake up in a few minutes—for some reason, he could wake up whenever Ten’s not beside him—so he has to make this visit quick.

The woman is sitting on a chair, munching on a peeled orange. Their gazes meet and she smiles, throwing an orange in his direction. He quickly reaches out, the orange landing square on his palm.

“Still got it.” A smile spreads to the woman’s space. “How are you, Ten?”

“Mother.” He wraps his arms around himself, trying to keep a distance from her.

She chuckles. “Look at you. You raise a child and let him do what he wants, and now he wants nothing to do with you.”

“I’m happy where I am now.”

“But for how long?” She looks calm, no bite to her voice even if he hadn’t seen her despite making frequent trips to Yeosu before. “You know the terms, my child.”

Ten knows. It haunts him every year, hitting him harder when Johnny and his friends wished him nothing but happiness on his 24th birthday. “Is there any way …”

She shakes her head. “You have less than a year left.”

He gulps. “And then?” he asks, even though he already knows the answer.

She stands up and approaches him, taking his hands in hers. Ten lets the orange slip past his hand and roll to the ground.

There’s pity in her eyes, even if her words are a painful stab against his chest.

“And then you’ll disappear.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please don't kill me


	5. johnny

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did i just up the rating? yes, i did

He feels his palms clam up as he stands by the door of the dome, fixing his tie every so often. From outside the room, he could already hear the guests chattering and the musicians play some classic tune he vaguely remembers the title of. Not that it’s helping calm his nerves.

He shouldn’t be this nervous. He and Ten had solidified their marriage months ago when they registered their marriage at the city hall. So there’s no extra pressure of someone getting cold feet.

Johnny had always dreamed of a dream-like wedding since he was a kid, but nothing has prepared him for this nervousness. Getting married in front of close family and friends is leagues away from signing papers. Questions run into his mind, like would his vows be a complete summary of his declaration of love for Ten?

The door opens, and his mother steps out. She’s beautiful in her blue pastel dress, and her smile is enough to ease the butterflies in his stomach. “I had a feeling you’re freaking out,” she says, reaching for his hand.

His mother knows him like the back of her hand. “Mom, you’ve been married.” His face flushes at the wording, though his mother chuckles. “How did you feel at your own wedding?”

“Terrified.” She pulls him close to a hug. “Oh, John. Marriages are so terrifying, but they’re also very worthwhile.”

Johnny knows that. He’s seen how his parents love each other through good times and bad times. He wants him and Ten to have that kind of relationship, and he knows they’ll be working hard toward that.

“Whatever you and Ten say in front of us, we know you’ll mean it from the bottom of your hearts.” She rubs his back with her thumb before pulling away, just as the music grows louder. “I have to go. I’ll talk to you later.”

The door opens just as his mother reaches for it, and this time, it’s their wedding planner who steps out. “Ready when you are, Johnny,” she says with a smile.

He fixes his tie for the nth time, stands up straighter, and takes a deep breath before entering the room.

⏳

Johnny had already imagined what his wedding would look like, which was a lot like in the movies he had seen as a kid: walking like he’s on the clouds toward the aisle, with family and friends wishing them happiness, sappy music playing in the background, the whole shebang.

Nothing had prepared him for the real thing.

His chest had been threatening to burst the moment he stepped inside the dome and at the front, beside the officiator and his best man, Jaehyun. Jaehyun had been patting him on the back, trying to make him calm down, but Johnny’s brain isn’t listening, instead threatening to make him more emotional than ever.

The feelings burst like a dam the moment Ten entered. He’s beautiful, as always, but he walks with a spring in his step and a glow outlining his entire being. Johnny’s vision blurs that he couldn’t tell that Ten was close to tears, too, until he’s standing in front of him.

The rest of the ceremony was a blur to Johnny. All he could concentrate on was Ten, and how much he wants to tell everyone how much he loves him. The vows they shared with each other weren’t enough to declare to the whole world how much they would stand by each other’s side, for better or worse, till death do them part.

He wishes he and Ten had more time, from when he left for Chicago until they reunited at that one random party where they were hanging out with mutual friends. He wishes they had tried hard to keep in touch despite the long distance.

Sometimes Johnny would think that it was fate that brought them together. Or maybe fate allowed them to grow apart so that they can grow together at the right time.

“I want to take all risks with you, chase seemingly impossible dreams, or just stay all day at home binge-watching whatever show we agree on,” he tells Ten as he reads his vows. “We may not have had a lot of time to get to know each other since we were thirteen, one thing’s for sure is that forever is plenty of time for that.”

Ten’s eyes are watery, his voice shaking when he reads his own vows. “Since thirteen, you stood by my side when no one else would. Let me stand beside you this time, for the rest of our lives. I promise to love you, be your best friend, and work together to share our lives …” He hiccups before uttering the last word. “... forever.”

_ Forever.  _ Johnny takes Ten’s hand and pulls him to a kiss before the officiator could ask them to do so.

⏳

The after-party is just as blurry as the ceremony, or maybe it’s just the alcohol in Johnny’s system doing its job. He was sure there were speeches from their parents, the best men Taeyong and Jaehyun, and then the cutting of the cake and some dancing.

Their first dance as a married couple is something Johnny would never forget. His arms are around Ten’s waist, and Ten’s arms are around his neck, their bodies pressed close as they sway slowly to the music.

Ten’s eyes are still glassy, but his forehead is scrunched, an indication that he’s dwelling deep into his thoughts. “Let me know what you’re thinking?” he asks, brushing his thumb on Ten’s cheek.

His husband looks up at him, eyes still glassy. “Nothing really important,” he says, shaking his head.

He doesn’t buy it, but at the same time, he doesn’t want to force it out of Ten. This is a special night, and he doesn’t want to ruin the moment. They could talk about it when the celebration has died down.

“Okay,” he says instead, pressing a kiss on Ten’s forehead. “I love you, you know that? I’m hear to share the burden of whatever you’re thinking.”

“Of course.” He smiles, though tears are still springing out of his eyes. “And I love you, too.”

Johnny leans forward, and Ten meets him halfway. Somehow, time stops and it’s just them in the room, and he wants nothing more than to remember this night forever.

⏳

It was probably one (or two?) in the morning when the guests start saying their goodbyes. Their parents had left a little earlier, hugging them extra tightly before leaving.

Their friends insist on staying a bit more to help Taeyong and Sicheng sober up a bit. (Sicheng, funnily enough, ended up in the janitor’s closet after downing way too many shots.)

Ten looks a lot better than during their dance a while ago, cheeks flushed from the alcohol in his system. Johnny couldn’t resist leaning down and kissing him while they’re still inside the elevator, heading to their room.

“Too excited,” Ten mumbles when they pull away at the sound of the elevator’s ding. They’re the only ones in the elevator, so that’s definitely their floor. Johnny would have thought Ten was nervous about being caught kissing in the elevator if not for the mischievous smile on his face.

They kick off their shoes and coats as soon as they step inside their room. Ten pulls him by the tie, and he laughs as they fall down to the bed. Johnny manages to prop himself up on his elbows before he could crush his husband. Before he could react, Ten cups his neck, pulling Johnny close and capturing his lips in a kiss.

They kiss slowly at first, taking the time to reorient themselves with each other. Every time, Johnny learns that there’s a side about Ten that he hasn’t explored, and he would take all his time knowing what Ten likes, and Ten would do the same. Now that they’re (officially) married, they have all the time in the world getting to know each other, and Johnny can’t wait.

Their clothes are discarded all over the floor, and soon Johnny finds himself on the space between Ten’s legs. His hands stake claim over Ten’s body, his mouth swallowing Ten’s appreciative sighs and gasps. 

Johnny’s hands eventually reach the inside of Ten’s thighs, stroking where Ten wants to feel him the most. His strokes are slow but forceful—his intent clear that he wants to leave Ten gasping in moments. He breaks the kiss to focus on raining kisses from the angle of Ten’s jaw to the curve of his shoulder, Johnny’s tongue leaving a wet trail.

“Johnny,” comes Ten’s needy whine. 

He takes it as a sign to fumble for the end desk and reach for the bottle of lube and a pack of condom that he had stored inside it before the wedding began.

The first brush of Johnny’s finger has Ten tensing, but he eventually relaxes when Johnny circles the tight ring of the muscle, neither pressing nor prodding. He slips in a second one and gives Ten the shallowest of thrusts, increasing his pace just the way Ten likes it.

Warmth pools to his stomach when his finger brushes against the spot that sends Ten arching off his back, throwing his head back with a low moan.

Ten is beautiful, Johnny knows that much, but there’s just something about him being laid out for Johnny like this. He loves the way Ten closes his eyes, forehead scrunching as Johnny lines up and pushing in slowly. He enjoys the pain that comes with Ten’s fingers digging against his arms, relishes the marks that will be visible the morning after.

There are tears on Ten’s eyes, something that has never happened; Ten never cries during sex. He stills, cupping Ten’s face. “Hey,” he whispers. “Are you hurting somewhere?”

Ten sniffs and shakes his head. “I’m fine,” he says, taking Johnny’s hand in his. “Just … it’s just different now, you know. When you’re married and all.”

“Are you sure you’re not hurting?”

“I’m okay, Johnny. I’ll tell you when you are.” As if for emphasis, he pulls Johnny down for a kiss, so gentle that it fills Johnny’s heart. “Now, move.”

Johnny does, starting with slow thrusts that become faster once it gets easier to move in and out of Ten. Ten tries to meet Johnny’s movements halfway, wrapping his legs around Johnny’s waist once Johnny lets go of him to brace himself on the sheets.

“I love you,” Johnny says in between the sounds of skin against skin. “Ten, I love you, I love you …”

“I love you,” Ten breathes out just as raggedly, meeting Johnny’s lips in sloppy kisses.

Ten comes with a full-body shudder, lims jerking as Johnny continues to move inside him. He’s still on his high when Johnny finishes, his hips slowing down while he rides his orgasm out.

For a while, they just try to breathe. Johnny feels so fucked out, but he’s also satisfied and exhausted in the best possible way. Ten sighs when Johnny pulls out, lying down and watching Johnny remove the condom to tie it off, throwing it toward the wastebasket in the corner.

“Wow,” Johnny says breathlessly, collapsing on the space beside him with a grunt. “Just, wow.”

Ten lets out a tired laugh. He’s completely drenched in sweat, but the afterglow is yet to disappear for him. “Sorry I made you worry.”

Johnny shakes his head, pushing himself up so he can lean on his forearm and loom over Ten at the same time. Ten doesn’t wait for Johnny to say anything; he reaches up to hold on to the back of Johnny’s neck and pulls Johnny down to him, the two of them sharing another kiss.

Once they part, Johnny presses their foreheads together. He inhales and smells himself on Ten, the two of them blending in each other’s bodies.

“Forever?” Johnny asks, stealing a soft kiss.

He could have sworn there was a slight flicker in Ten’s eyes, but he smiles and returns the kiss, so Johnny thinks nothing of it.

“Forever,” Ten whispers once he pulls away, closing his eyes and drifting off to sleep.


	6. ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> late happy johnny and ten following each other on instagram!!! also NEO ZONE IS THE BEST!!!!

The holes in between the poles of the metal jungle gym are smaller than Ten’s foot. It’s the perfect size for him to step on the surface without accidentally slipping his foot inside.

He has come up with a pattern that he enjoys doing whenever he’s on top of the jungle gym—diagonal on all sides, skipping from one square to another.

“Hey, be careful. I don’t want you to fall.”

Johnny is sitting by the swing set, legs stretched out, tucking in his knees slightly to his chest to sway the swing slowly. There are wrinkles on his forehead, always present whenever Ten’s on top of the jungle gym.

“You should come up here, Johnny, the view’s great!” He sits down the edge of the jungle gym and looks out at the view of the city before him. It’s not as spectacular as the view of the sea by his old home, but there’s something about the buildings and row of colored roofs that draws him in.

“Tennie, can you get down, please?”

Ten knows that Johnny’s concern comes with a reason. His new mother specifically told Johnny to watch out for him and make sure he doesn’t get into trouble. (Even though, technically, it was Johnny who caused trouble and slapped margarine on a classmate’s face after said classmate did it to Ten.)

Also, the name “Tennie” brings a pool of warmth to Ten’s stomach and his cheeks. But he doesn’t say that out loud, of course. Not yet.

He sighs, jumping down the jungle gym, wincing at the slight pain on his left foot. He laughs when Johnny makes a strangled sound. “I’m fine, Johnny. Don’t worry too much about my parents getting mad at you.”

“It’s not just your parents who are worried about you,” Johnny mumbles. He’s looking at his feet, but there’s no mistaking the redness on his face.

Ten had been told by his (new) mother that he was too curious for his own good, but his instincts always tell him to satisfy the nagging in his brain. “Oh yeah?” he asks. He skips to the back of the swing, pressing his chest against Johnny’s back and gripping the swing. “Who?”

Johnny makes a strangled sound when he looks up at Ten. His entire face is red, and Ten finds it absolutely adorable, and he could just lean in and—

His forehead knocks against Johnny’s, and they both yelp in pain and laugh about it minutes later.

He’s pretty sure he’s in love.

⏳

“Ten, did you get what I said?”

Ten blinks, and he returns to the present, to his white-walled office and a concerned Taeyong sitting across his desk. “Sorry, what?”

The creases on Taeyong’s forehead increase and Ten knows his cousin is going to launch into his Worried Mother Hen mode. “You’ve been spacing out for the past few days,” he points out, pushing away the papers that Ten’s sure was the topic of discussion until he spaced out. “Is everything okay?”

The last thing he wants is for Taeyong to pry and for Ten to come up with a lame excuse that would make Taeyong not believe him and then dive deeper. _No one’s supposed to know about this._

He sighs. “Not really,” he says. “But it’s more of me than other problems. And I’m kind of not ready to tell people about it.”

“Not even Johnny?”

His heart does a somersault. _Especially not him._ “I’ll probably talk it out with him,” he lies. “When I figure everything out.”

Taeyong looks like he was about to pry, but he bites his lower lip and doesn’t. Ten thanks him for that.

⏳

As much as Ten enjoys his work, coming up with marketing campaigns for their brand, he always breathes a sigh of relief when the clock strikes 6 pm and Taeyong tells them to go home.

He and Yuta were chatting amicably as they head out of the building lobby when he catches someone standing outside the building. As much as Johnny tries to blend in, his tall, imposing stature is impossible to miss.

They meet gazes, and Johnny’s face brightens up, raising his hand in a wave. “My interview with the CEO finished early,” he says before Ten could ask, reaching for Ten’s hand and lacing their fingers.

Ten laughs at that, tiptoeing to kiss Johnny on the lips. “What do you wanna do now?”

Johnny hums. “I’m supposed to be on grocery duty, but do you wanna come with me, drop the groceries off at home, then go on a date?”

Johnny didn’t really have to ask Ten for permission—he’d go to the ends of the earth with Johnny if he asked—but the butterflies in his stomach flutter nevertheless. 

Maybe the thing about being with newlyweds is that they find more things about each other to fall in love with, even if it’s as mundane as Johnny taking him to the grocery before an impromptu date.

⏳

They ended up staying longer at the grocery store than they’re supposed to. The store ran out of Johnny’s favorite coffee beans, and they spent a good half hour debating about whether to look for an alternate brand or ditch the purchase altogether.

Ten would have settled for anything, but Johnny practically drinks coffee like water, so he basically delves into the Coffee aisle, examining packages as if they’re details that he had to sift through for his beat at the publishing company.

Not that Ten’s mad about it, but his stomach was grumbling by the time they paid for everything. At least, Johnny bought him boba tea on the way and carried all the groceries on his own, so he wasn’t _too_ mad.

They hear yelling and screaming as they reach their floor, only to find Donghyuck crying on the hallway and Chanmi looking at him with resignation.

“Hey, need any help?” Ten asks, approaching them while Johnny trails behind him.

Chanmi looks up at them, and her face flushes. “Oh, hello!” she says, her smile looking more of a grimace. “I’m sorry about Donghyuck, he’s—”

“Mom promised to take me to the aquarium on Saturday!” Donghyuck’s face is entirely red, tears streaking down his face. “Now she’s taking it back!”

“I’m sorry, Hyuckie, but Mom suddenly has work on that day.” She reaches for Donghyuck’s hand. “Come on, now, we can talk about this inside—”

“No!” Donghyuck is full-blown crying now, and Chanmi frantically looks around, afraid that the other neighbors would come out to see what the racket was about. “I’m not coming in until I go to the aquarium on Saturday!”

“We can always go the week after—”

“But my favorite show’s on Saturday!” Donghyuck sniffs, turning to them as if wanting them to back him up.

Ten looks over at Johnny, who had set down the grocery bags, giving him the perfect view to share a gaze with Ten. It was in that shared moment that they both know what to do, or at least offer to the mother and her child.

He’s the one at front, and he turns back to look at Chanmi and Donghyuck. “How about,” he begins, “we take Donghyuck to the aquarium?”

⏳

Ten wasn’t expecting Chanmi to entrust her five-year-old kid to a couple of acquaintances who had just moved in next door, but she looks like she fully trusts them when she drops off Donghyuck to their home that Saturday morning.

Donghyuck doesn’t seem to mind either. He’s dressed in a white shirt, shorts, and a bucket hat, his smile rivaling the sunlight. “Is Ten really your name?” he asks.

Ten quite likes Donghyuck, he decides from there.

It’s Johnny who spends the first few minutes talking to Chanmi about allergies and curfew that he already looks tired by the time Chanmi says goodbye to Donghyuck. The exhaustion disappears, though, when he crouches down in front of Donghyuck and gives a bright smile. “Ready to go, Hyuckie?”

Ten is not going to deny how his heart did backflips at that gesture.

⏳

They’ve gone on a date at the nearby aquarium before, but having a third party—and a child at that—makes the dynamics different. Ten stays behind while Johnny and Donghyuck walk hand in hand, the younger one squealing the moment they enter the walkthrough aquariums.

“Look at all the fish!” Donghyuck squeals, latching himself to the nearby glass, close to where a stingray is resting. “Hyung, come on, look!”

He’s not sure which “hyung” Donghyuck was referring to, but Johnny looks at Ten and tilts his head toward the child’s direction. Ten rolls his eyes and crouches next to Donghyuck, observing the school of fish that come their way.

Donghyuck, though, doesn’t seem to care which hyung approaches him, his smile as bright as ever when he points to a school of clownfish. Ten grins back. “They’re cute, aren’t they?”

“They’re like Nemo!”

They are, in their orange and black-and-white striped glory. The school passes by them, and one fish swims in their direction as if staring at the two of them. Ten licks his lips.

“Do you think they’re tasty?”

Ten had to laugh when Donghyuck slowly looks at him, an eyebrow raised. He looks more like a judgmental teenager than a five-year-old. “I’m five years old, but I’m not stupid.” He rolls his eyes and turns around to peer at other fish at the other side of the aquarium.

He hears Johnny’s soft chuckles, a hand around the waist as he stands up. “That would have worked on other kids, but he’s a smart five-year-old.”

“I just wanna make fun of kids while they’re still gullible.” Ten sighs and shrugs.

“Does this apply to our future kids?”

Ten laughs at that, ignoring how his heart made an ugly lurch.

⏳

The sun was about to set by the time the aquarium show was over, and Donghyuck was fast asleep on his seat. Johnny carries him on his back, while Ten walks by his side, hands full from a plastic of souvenirs, a plastic of five goldfish, and a small, rectangular goldfish tank.

The souvenirs are all for Donghyuck, but the goldfish was purchased by Johnny, noting that Ten couldn’t stop looking at them. He’s not wrong, because there’s something about the shimmering gold scales that draw Ten in.

Chanmi arrives just as they do, and she thanks them profusely, insisting that they accept her payment. “But you spent the whole weekend with Hyuckie, you must have had something else to do.”

Johnny shakes his head. “We enjoyed hanging out with Donghyuck.” He turns to Ten, who nods in reply. “We’d like to hang out with him more if you’re busy. No payment needed.”

Chanmi looks like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders. “Okay,” she says, a smile appearing on her face.

Exhaustion sinks in by the time they enter their apartment. Johnny sinks on the couch while Ten sets up the goldfish tank on the sink to fill it up with water. By the time the fish are in the tank, Ten props it on the kitchen counter, the only free and safe space in the area. 

He props his chin on his arms, observing the goldfish as they mindlessly swim in the confines of the tank, seemingly oblivious that they’re no longer in their usual space. Their scaled bodies glimmer despite the dim lighting.

“What are you gonna name them?”

Arms wrap around his waist, and a chin tucks on his shoulder. Warmth spreads across Ten’s entire body and he leans back to the touch. “Do we have to name them?” he asks.

Johnny hums. “They’re pets, so I guess? But not all people name their goldfish, so …”

Ten stares at the fish once more. “How about …?” He thinks his eyes twinkle mischievously as the thought comes to mind. He points to each fish as he lists off the names. “Jaejoong, Yunho, Changmin, Yoochun, and Junsu.”

The laugh that comes out of Johnny’s mouth is music to his ears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cassies, please don't kill me.


	7. johnny

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> these past few days has been all sorts of crazy. stay safe, everyone!

There’s already an atmosphere of festivity when Johnny enters the venue. Loud music reverberates around the room, and people are scattered either to the long runway or by the standing tables as waiters serve them appetizers and cocktails.

“Johnny!”

He turns to the direction of the open bar near the DJ, where Kun and Sicheng are. “Long time no see, you two!” he exclaims, giving each of them a one-armed hug before receiving a glass of champagne from a passing waiter. “I haven’t seen you since the wedding.”

“Sorry.” Kun grins apologetically. “Some new kids are debuting this month and the company wanted our team to oversee the production of the entire EP.”

“And the entire musical’s keeping me busy,” Sicheng adds, sipping from his glass.

“Give us a free copy of the EP and tickets to the musical, and we’ll call it even.”

“You wish,” Kun says with a roll of his eyes, but he fishes out his phone, anyway, to key in a reminder. “Where’s Doyoung?”

“He has a late-night beat.”

“Sucks to be him.”

Jaehyun joins them just as the host tells them to take their seats by the runway. He looks pale. “I had to calm Yongie down. He’s nervous as hell.”

“I bet.” Johnny glances at the people on his left. They’re in the front row, next to some very important people in fashion. It’s not his forte at work, but he had to take a crash course because Ten insisted. “Ten said everyone important in their field is here.”

Ten never wanted Johnny to approach him before a show, so he had to make do with a text message before his husband left for the launch. Ten replied with a thank you and a bunch of heart and crying emojis, and he thinks that’s the most he could do.

Sicheng swears under his breath. “Here’s to hoping the show goes smoothly.”

The lights dim, and the show begins. The host makes a brief introduction to the fashion line and the brand. His heart swells as he hears Ten’s name. Since they’ve gotten together, he’s witnessed how much Ten put an effort into launching this brand with Taeyong and Yuta, and how their dreams are finally coming true.

The show is practically a breeze, and Johnny is standing up within seconds as Taeyong, Yuta, and Ten walk out of the runway, to thunderous applause. A trio of models hand them flowers, and the applause gets louder when Taeyong is the first to cry, stuttering as he makes his thank-you speech. Beside him, Ten waits for his turn, equally glassy-eyed.

When they meet eyes as Ten makes his speech. Ten seems to glow, and Johnny would want to bask in his husband’s brightness for the rest of his life.

⏳

Johnny understands that he’ll never have his husband to himself the rest of the night. The moment he, Taeyong, and Yuta stepped out of the stage, they were instantly surrounded by other people, the important people who Johnny shared a row with.

At least he has his friends to keep him company. He, Jaehyun, Kun, and Sicheng stand by the open bar, enjoying the free drinks while they keep a close eye on their other three friends.

“Is it me or has Ten gotten thinner?” Kun asks, eyebrows furrowed.

“He did, didn’t he?” Johnny seeks his husband from the crowd and spots Ten laughing at something a woman beside him had said. And, well, it’s not like he hadn’t noticed before. Ten had been skipping breakfast a lot to rush to work, and he spends most nights catching up with work, even if Johnny told him not to.

Kun nudges him on the elbow. “You better tell him to eat up after this.”

“I’ll make sure of that.” Johnny nods. Kun may be blunt, but as Ten’s best friend, he’s just showing his concern. He saw something change in Ten’s expression, and he takes it as a sign that his husband’s social energy is gradually depleting. “Yeah, it looks like I’m needed there.”

“Good luck.”

Ten brightens up when Johnny wraps his arm around his waist. “Hey!” he greets, ignoring the people around him. “You okay?”

“I should be asking that to you.” Johnny reaches for Ten’s hands and kisses his knuckles.

“I’m okay now.” Ten smiles, a faint blush on his cheeks.

The rest of the night, Johnny has his hand around Ten’s waist, smiling and replying only when spoken to. (He’s a journalist, sure, but fashion is one field he could never deep-dive into, even if he’s married to someone who works in fashion.) Ten, Taeyong, and Yuta command the rest of their conversation, and Johnny is happy to disappear in the background.

It’s past midnight when the guests start leaving, and they have the bar for themselves. They let Taeyong, Ten, and Yuta drink as much as they can to celebrate the success of the launch. Of course, this was just the beginning and the real test was when they start selling the clothes from the line, but at least that’s one challenge down.

Ten’s starting to get tipsier than usual, being clingy to everyone he could lay his hands on. Taeyong starts getting teary-eyed, a sign that he’s just as tipsy, and they decide to call it a night and say their goodbyes, promising to hang out again soon.

The parking lot is almost empty except for their car and a couple more others that probably used the overnight parking rates. Ten hums the song playing from one of the cars as Johnny fishes out his car keys.

He’s about to help Ten into the car when his husband clings to him. “Ten,” he laughs, trying to lift Ten up the passenger’s seat. “It’s time to go home.”

“Johnny, let’s dance,” Ten mumbles against his chest, clinging tightly as the music from the other car continues to play. “I love this song, come on.”

And Johnny lets him because he finds it hard to say no to Ten, anyway. Besides, it will be easier to get Ten to get seated once he’s sleepy.

The rational side of Johnny would be embarrassed to be found by anyone slow dancing with their husband in an almost-empty parking lot. But with Ten around his arms and looking like he’s over the moon, he wouldn’t trade this moment for anything else.

⏳

Fortunately, it’s the weekend the next day, and Johnny’s team doesn’t have anything urgent to cover from their beat. They ended lazily making out as soon as they got home until they eventually fell asleep.

It’s the sound of crashing ceramic that wakes Johnny up the next day. His mind his still in a haze as he gets up and heads to the kitchen, only to find Ten crouched down, trying to pick up shards of ceramic on the floor—

“Ten, no.” His brain goes into overdrive as he takes huge strides forward, stopping a few steps away from the broken mug. “Don’t move. Don’t pick anything up. I’ll get the broom.”

Ten is pouting by the time Johnny has swept away the broken mug and threw it in the trash. “That was my favorite mug. The hangover must be worse than I thought.”

Johnny kisses the pout away. “We can get you another one,” he says. “It’s Saturday, so we can do groceries and stuff. I can still make it before Donghyuck arrives for tutoring.”

His husband wrinkles his nose at that. “I was kinda thinking we could stay home for the day. The whole launch drained the life out of me.”

“Understandable.” Johnny nods. “Today is Stay-at-Home Day, then.”

⏳

Even though it’s a weekend, Johnny realizes they’ve yet to catch up on chores. Since Ten went full force on overseeing the launch for the past two weeks, he never had the free time to do his share of the chores.

And as much as Johnny wants to help, he’s behind on his own chores, too. The disadvantages of having a job that requires you to be on alert at all times, even in the wee hours of the morning.

Though he wants to stay in bed all day with Ten, he wants those chores done. After breakfast, he lets his husband catch up on sleep and heads to the laundry, deciding that it’s the easiest one to get done.

He does early-morning grocery shopping because they’re almost out of food in the pantry. It’s when he was checking out the groceries that he panics and realizes that Donghyuck should have already dropped by for tutoring.

Ten is quick to shoot him a text, though.  _ “Hyuckie’s hanging out in the living room, waiting for you. Also, Chanmi brought us lunch!” _

An attached image follows the text, and Johnny chuckles when it reveals a selfie of Ten and Donghyuck sitting on the couch. Warmth spreads across his chest at the sight of Donghyuck’s chin tucked on Ten’s shoulder. It just felt …

Johnny snaps back to reality when the cashier finishes scanning the groceries.

⏳

After their first excursion with Donghyuck, Johnny and Ten discovered that Chanmi is a single mother who had just been accepted as a waitress in a nearby restaurant. Her job gives her enough income to pay the bills and provide for Donghyuck, but the restaurant has suddenly become a couple of people short, so Chanmi had to take weekend shifts.

And while additional shifts meant more money, Chanmi started to find less time with Donghyuck. She used to be able to help him with his schoolwork, but her new schedule couldn’t give her the time to do so.

Johnny was already endeared by Donghyuck during their aquarium excursion and offered to tutor him on Saturdays, at least when he’s free. Chanmi tried to offer payment and ended up settling for payments in food (Ten’s suggestion).

Ten and Donghyuck were settled by the kitchen island, gazing at the goldfish tank, by the time Johnny arrives. Donghyuck’s face brightens, and he jumps down the chair and rushes toward Johnny. “Johnny hyung!” he practically squeals, arms wrapping around Johnny’s waist.

His heart swells at the sight of the five-year-old attempting to hug him.

Ten looks on from where he’s sitting, a soft expression on his face. “You hungry?” he asks, standing up and reaching for the plate in the nearby cupboard before Johnny could answer.

They move to the dining table, where Johnny eats lunch while Ten helps Donghyuck take out his textbooks, notebooks, and pencil case. “So what subject do you need help with?” Ten asks.

“Math and English.” Donghyuck pouts. “Hyung, why do I have to study this? I wanna be a singer when I grow up!”

Johnny and Ten chuckle simultaneously. It felt like a familiar conversation they had when Johnny was helping Ten catch up with schoolwork. In fact, he remembers Ten whining about the same things back then, only Ten still had no idea about dreams and what he wanted to be when he grew up.

Ten pulls Donghyuck’s chair close to him. “You know,” he says, sparing Johnny a glance, “I used to hate school, too.”

Donghyuck’s eyes comically widen. “You did?” he asks. “How come? You’re an adult!”

Ten chuckles, ruffling Donghyuck’s hair. “Well, I’m an adult and I still hate math. When I was a kid, I sucked at every subject. I practically got zeros on almost everything.”

“Really?” The child’s eyes look like they’re going to pop out of their sockets. “That’s really bad.”

“It is.” Ten laughs, the struggles of his teenage years just something to laugh about now. “But sometimes when I was in college and at work, I realized that most of the subjects come in handy. I mean, I work in fashion, but apparently I had to use math for measurements and making sure we have enough clothes for our customers.”

Donghyuck scrunches his nose. “Really?”

“Yup! So you never know when you’ll use whatever you learned.” Ten opens the English textbook.

“So you studied really hard.”

Ten glances at Johnny and beams. “That, and I had the best tutor.”

Johnny looks down at his almost-empty plate, to hide the smile creeping on his face. He has an inkling of the reason why his heart feels so full at the moment, but he’s going to keep it to himself.

For now, at least.


	8. ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!
> 
> not sure if this is supposed to be a trigger warning, but please know that there are mentions of health problems in this chapter.

“Ten, are you even listening to me?”

He opens his eyes and finds Johnny looking at him reproachfully. They’re sitting beside each other on Johnny’s bed, a notebook on each of their laps. Johnny was rambling about math equations, again, and Ten just wanted to look at the flowers blooming from the tree outside Johnny’s bedroom window.

“Ten …” Johnny groans, tossing his notebook aside. “Fine, we’re taking a break. But we have to get back on track. The exam’s in two weeks.”

Ten knows that. He also knows that if he doesn’t pass all his exams he’s going to repeat the year, solidifying his status as the “school dummy.”

He thinks it’s supposed to hurt him when teachers and classmates call him that. It doesn’t, really. The words barely pierce at him when he’s called “Dumb” or “Stupid” or get shoved at the hallways for it.

What hurts, though, is seeing Johnny’s hands curl into a fist, lips forming a thin line as he glares at anyone who ever called Ten names.

Johnny also wants to get into a good “college”, and, well, Ten doesn’t have dreams for himself yet, so he plans to go wherever Johnny goes. Wherever this “college” is.

“Sorry,” he mumbles, causing Johnny to look at him. “I know you’re having a hard time because of me.”

Johnny blinks, and his jaw goes slack. “N-No, I don’t feel that way!” he exclaims, shifting so that he’s facing Ten. “What makes you think that?”

His face heats up and he looks down at his notebook, full of scribbles of numbers he still has yet to understand. “Well, because Mom asked you to look out for me. You don’t have to if you don’t want to, you know? I know you wanna go back to your friends.”

“Ten …”

He feels hands on either side of his face, gently pulling him to look up. His heart skips at the sight of Johnny’s honey-brown eyes gazing directly at him, burning holes into him, probably. Ten wouldn’t want to look away, even if he could melt. Those eyes had been a subject of his dreams ever since ...

“Don’t think for one second that I don’t want to be with you.” Johnny’s bottom lip trembles. “Because I do.”

Ten remembers how Johnny looked when everyone started avoiding him after the Margarine Incident. He looked lost, forlorn, a price he had to pay for defending the school dummy.

But then again, Johnny didn’t have to. He could have rejoined his friends for lunch when they asked him. But he stayed, accompanied Ten at the playground, pushed him to study hard.

His heart feels like bursting at the thought.

Their faces are close, too close in fact, as if Johnny had pulled him closer. If he had the time, he could count Johnny’s eyelashes, note at how pretty they are. 

Johnny doesn’t seem to be moving away, so Ten doesn’t either.

The two of them move forward until they close the distance with their lips.

  
  
  
  


⏳

  
  
  
  


“Ten? It’s time for dinner.”

Ten swears to himself from where he is, crouched underneath their bed. He shoves away some storage boxes they have, trying to look for what he has been looking for, for the past half hour or so.

It should be here somewhere …

“Ten?”

This time, he does swear out loud. Johnny’s voice takes him by surprise that he hits his head from under the bed.

“Oh shit, are you okay?”

Ten groans, pulling himself out of the bed to rub his head. “I’ll live,” he mumbles.

Johnny sighs, his shoulders relaxing. “What are you looking for, anyway?”

He tucks his right hand in his pocket. “A missing earring,” he says, gulping.

His husband nods in understanding. “Okay. Let me help you find it.”

Nope. Not the reaction he was hoping for. “N-No, it’s fine—”

“Where did you last see it?” Johnny heads to their vanity and crouches down by the table, stretching out his hand. “It shouldn’t have gone far. What does it look like?”

“Um …” Ten tries to recall all the earrings he owns, cursing his tendency to hoard anything shiny he sees.

Johnny stills, his arm reached out too far from under the vanity table. “Hold on, I think I found something.” Before Ten could even react, Johnny pulls out his arm, and he watches his husband’s bewildered expression when he looks at the ring on his palm.

It’s their wedding ring.

He gulps as he takes in how Johnny’s expression shifting into something that looks like disappointment. They’ve had their fair share of fuck ups, and Johnny’s disappointed expression would have his stomach churning for the next few weeks.

“It’s not an earring,” Johnny says as he stands up, pinching the ring between two fingers. “You were looking for this, weren’t you?”

Ten feels his face turn red. “I … thought you’d be mad at me if I told you I lost the ring,” he admits.

Johnny sighs, shaking his head. He takes Ten’s hands in his. “I’d probably be upset, but I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it. Do you not trust me enough?”

“I do trust you.” He shakes his head. “I let fear get to me first. I’m sorry.”

His husband sighs again, wrapping his arms around Ten and pulling him close. “I forgive you,” he mumbles, lips on Ten’s hair. He then pulls away, letting go of Ten’s left hand. “No secrets, okay?”

Ten gulps down the lump in his throat and nods, even if he knows he can’t promise it. “No secrets.”

Johnny smiles, slowly placing the ring in Ten’s ring finger. A frown crosses his face afterward, and when Ten looks down at his hand, he understands why. The ring is loose around his finger, looking a size too big.

“That’s weird,” Johnny comments. “You lost weight again?”

“Did I?” Ten frowns. Kun had pointed it out at him at one time, and he was sure Taeyong had been giving him an extra lunch box these past few days. And maybe some of his clothes are a tad loose on him lately ...

“Hey, maybe we should have you checked up. The launch ended two weeks ago, and you’re still losing weight.”

He shakes his head. “It’s fine, Johnny. I’ll probably get back to normal after a few days.”

“But—”

Ten takes the ring off his finger, then proceeds to take off his necklace. His chest swells as Johnny looks as he takes off the small charm from the necklace, slips the ring in, then fastens the necklace back on his neck.

“There.” He smiles, clinging to the round, cold metal against his chest. “I’ll cherish it. Forever.”

Johnny’s expression softens, pulling Ten close and pressing a kiss against his temple. “That was a dramatic moment before dinner.”

Ten half-laughs, half-snorts and lets Johnny drag him to the dining room, relieved at the change of topic.

  
  
  
  


⏳

  
  
  
  


Ten knows that he could survive the worst days, but today feels like the universe is testing him.

He came into the office to chaos, and by chaos he meant a surprise stakeholder visit. Said stakeholder went to survey how they’re handling the operations for their official launch of the clothing line, and luckily they’ve prepared their team to answer questions, even ones they’re sure weren’t supposed to be asked.

Said stakeholder seems satisfied when he left, so that’s done.

He, Taeyong, and Yuta ended up celebrating for lunch at this fancy Japanese restaurant. Kun and Sicheng happened to be free, so the five of them splurged on sushi and talked about everything and nothing.

Then the rashes appeared.

Kun, the boy scout that he is, brings out some soothing cream from his bag and hands it to him. “You’re allergic to fish?”

Ten frowns, looking at the pink splotches on his arm as he applies the cream. “I’m not allergic to sushi. I’ve never been allergic to anything.”

Kun reaches for Ten’s hand, thumb running through its soothing cream-coated state. “Sometimes allergies emerge later in life, though.” He scrunches his nose. “Remember when Mom didn’t become allergic to dust until she turned fifty?”

He nods, but that doesn’t make him feel any better.

Taeyong has this worried mother look. “Take the rest of the day off. Get Claritin and some rest, and if the rashes don’t disappear, go to the hospital.”

Ten does that, dropping by the pharmacy as soon as he leaves the building. The apartment complex is quiet by the time he arrives, but then again, it’s only two in the afternoon. Everyone is probably still at work and at school.

“Um, excuse me?”

Ten turns around and spots one of the apartment’s friendly janitors. She has a smile on her face and is holding something out to him. “You dropped this.”

He immediately recognizes the item on her hand, and he almost freezes. “Oh my god, thank you,” he says, reaching out to take it from her. “I’d lose my mind if I lost this.”

It’s a temple charm, a square one made out of blue velvet with a flower design and a foreign symbol stitched to it. It was something he had brought everywhere all his life, a gift from Johnny, and he couldn’t imagine losing it.

“I’d stuff it safe if I were you, Sir.” She smiles and waves before setting off.

He returns the gesture before stuffing the charm in his pocket. He’ll probably stuff it inside his bag as soon as he gets home.

He takes off his shoes as soon as he’s inside and heads straight to the kitchen, plopping his bag on the kitchen island. He grabs a glass from the rack and pours water inside, popping the Claritin in his mouth and taking a gulp.

It’s strange to be back home on a weekday afternoon. But Ten welcomes the peace and quiet. He loves how bright the apartment is, heart racing as he smiles at his and Johnny’s wedding photo displayed by the table where they place their keys and other photos.

His gaze falls on the fish tank, and he places the glass on the kitchen island’s surface before scooting close to the tank, propping his chin on his arms as he lets his gaze drift from one fish to another.

Ten had long found out that gazing at the goldfish helps him calm down. There’s something mesmerizing about those scales shimmering from one area of the tank to another, and it’s multiplied fivefold with five of them swimming around.

One of the goldfish, he thinks it’s Yoochun, stops and stares at him. He feels his tongue flick out of his mouth and thinks it’s unfair that he’s allergic to fish, of all food types.

He can’t be allergic, he thinks. He just can’t.

He likes fish too much.

  
  
  
  


⏳

  
  
  
  


He’s lying on something soft when he stirs, and he recognizes the scent of their usual laundry detergent in the fabric. Ten sighs as he turns to the side, slowly opening his eyes and squinting them as soon as he’s met with a burst of light from the ceiling.

He had slept with the lights on. Fantastic.

Ten groans as he gets up and stretches his arms, sighing when he hears the slight cracking of bone. He runs a hand through his hair, absentmindedly wondering what time it is and if he should make dinner before Johnny gets home.

He looks at his hand, hoping that the rashes have gone away.

It didn’t. There are still pink splotches on Ten’s hand, but that isn’t what made his stomach make an overwhelming lurch.

It’s the strands of hair in between his fingers.

“No …” Ten reaches for the back of his head and finds more strands on his hand. When he looks at his pillow, his head spins. More strands of hair cling to the fabric as if someone had tugged his hair and left the strands there. “This can’t be happening …”

Another lurch in his stomach as he hears the door chimes, a sign that Johnny is home.

Sure enough, comes his husband’s voice. “Ten?”

Hastily, he takes as much fallen hair as he can, brushing off the ones he can’t pick. Johnny can’t find out, he just can—

“Ten, I heard from Taeyong you took the rest of the day off. Everything oka—”

Johnny’s voice becomes louder, and Ten knows that he’s just by the door. He looks over his shoulder and, soon enough, he meets Johnny’s bewildered gaze. “J-Johnny …”

“What’s going on?” Johnny’s forehead scrunches. His gaze falls on Ten’s hand, or at least the strands of hair he’s clutching. “Ten, what’s that?”

“It’s nothing,” Ten says, voice shaking, but it’s too late. Johnny strides forward too quickly, grabbing the strands of hair.

It breaks his heart to see Johnny’s eyes widen at the strands, then at him. “Look …”

Ten shakes his head, reaching for Johnny’s hand. “It’s not a big deal—”

“What are you talking about?”

Johnny yells, and tension spikes in the air. Ten shuts his mouth, finds his body trembling at how angry and scared Johnny sounded. His husband is scary when mad, but he had never raised his voice, and Ten never dared go there.

The anger is quick to seep out of his body, and he looks contrite. “Sorry,” he says, pulling Ten close. “Hey, let’s go to the hospital. Have someone check what’s going on.”

Ten wants to tell Johnny that it’s no use. That the doctors will check him and will find nothing. Mother’s words ring in his ears.

_“You’ll disappear.”_

It’s already starting.


	9. johnny

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finished this a day before my birthday. hope everyone stays safe and healthy!

Johnny gives up trying to sleep for what feels like the nth time, groaning as he rises from the bed, careful not to wake Ten up. His husband, though, merely shifts on his side, snoring softly.

He tries to ignore the strands of hair on Ten’s pillow.

They were supposed to go to the hospital tonight, but after calling, they were informed that the diagnostics were closed. Ten isn’t experiencing symptoms that warrant a rush to the emergency room, so they were booked an appointment the next day.

Not that it eases Johnny’s worries.

He unlocks his phone as he sits down on the couch, and it brings him to Taeyong’s last message, informing him that Ten took the day off. Johnny didn’t think much about it—it could have been fever or a cold—but when he saw the strands of hair on his husband’s pillow, he knew it wasn’t normal.

Added to the weight loss for the past two weeks … Something is happening to Ten, and he needs answers.

Johnny realizes he hasn’t replied to Taeyong yet, and just as he’s typing an answer, an idea comes to him. He adds Taeyong and Kun to a separate group chat.

**Taeyong (01:57 a.m.)** **  
** what’s this about?

**Kun (01:57 a.m.)** **  
** did something happen to ten?

**Johnny (01:57 a.m.)** **  
** Sorry I wasn’t able to reply earlier @Taeyong   
And honestly?   
Idk

**Kun (01:58 a.m.)** **  
** his allergies are still there?

**Johnny (01:58 a.m.)** **  
** Yeah   
But that’s not what freaked me out   
I came home and found him clearing   
the bed of hair strands

**Taeyong (01:59 a.m.)** **  
** what?

**Johnny (01:59 a.m.)** **  
** Lots of hair   
As if he’s shed them off or   
something   
He said it wasn’t a big deal   
But he’s been losing weight and   
that level of hair loss isn’t normal

**Kun (02:01 a.m.)** **  
** well   
the hair shedding   
Isn’t the first time

**Taeyong (02:02 a.m.)** **  
** it isn’t?

**Johnny (02:02 a.m.)** **  
** Actually   
Was gonna ask you guys if this   
has happened before   
It never happened when we   
started dating

**Kun (02:03 a.m.)** **  
** it did, but it was one time   
summer, 2nd yr of uni iirc   
ten told me he was stressed from   
his part-time job   
didn’t happen again after

**Johnny (02:05 a.m.)** **  
** Oh

**Taeyong (02:05 a.m.)** **  
** haven’t encountered anything like that   
with him ever   
and to think we’ve been   
working with each other for   
3 yrs and we’re always   
stressed

**Johnny (02:07 a.m.)** **  
** Does Ten have certain medical   
conditions?

**Taeyong (02:07 a.m.)** **  
** none that i know of   
just that ankle injury he   
got when he was a   
kid   
ofc he doesn’t remember anything   
about it   
other than that, he’s perfectly   
healthy

**Kun (02:09 a.m.)** **  
** none that i know of   
either **  
** is he gonna get checked?

**Johnny (02:09 a.m.)** **  
** Later **  
** Bringing him to the hospital

**Kun (02:10 a.m.)** **  
** ok

**Taeyong (02:10 a.m.)** **  
** update us

**Johnny (02:10 a.m.)** **  
** I will   
Thanks guys

He locks his phone and leans against the couch, hands to his face. Maybe the hair shedding isn’t really a bad sign of anything. Ten said it wasn’t a big deal, but for some reason, Johnny couldn’t shake off this nagging feeling that something isn’t right.

His boss always praised him for his strong intuition, but for once in his life, he wishes he was wrong about this.

⏳

An awkward atmosphere envelopes them the next day. Their smiles are stilted when they greet each other, Ten brushing more strands off their bed while Johnny prepares coffee.

The drive is equally quiet. Johnny tries to make the silence less awkward by turning on the radio. Ten eventually dozes off, so Johnny figures it’s better than making strained conversation.

Ten looks nervous when they arrive at the hospital, gulping and looking at everything in sight. Johnny reaches for his hand and squeezes it consolingly. Ten gives him a small smile, which he returns. Baby steps.

Their assigned doctor is a friendly woman that looks in her early thirties, and Ten instantly warms up to her. She asks about his symptoms, and Ten admits that it’s a repeat incident of what happened during his time in university.

The doctor hums, scribbling furiously on her clipboard. “After that incident in university, you didn’t shed hair again until now?”

Ten nods, barely meeting Johnny’s gaze. “I thought it was a one-time thing.”

“I see.” She scribbles some more on her clipboard before setting it down on her desk. “I’ll recommend some blood tests and a CT scan. While they’re getting ready, get changed and I’ll do a physical exam on you.”

She shoos Johnny away for the physical exam, but he gets to be there to hold Ten’s hand for the blood test and before the CT scan. His heart aches to see Ten squirming as he’s placed inside the claustrophobic tube for the scan, and he promises to make it up to him when the examination is over.

The doctor promises she’ll call about the results within two days.

“Where do you wanna eat breakfast?” Johnny asks as they leave the hospital. The sky is already bright and blue, the air thickly warm. 

Ten walks beside him like he’s scared, and, well, Johnny isn’t mad. He hasn’t been mad, anyway. He just panicked.

He stops on his tracks and pulls Ten in his arms. Ten gives a yelp of surprise but doesn’t pull away.

“Sorry if I sounded mad yesterday,” he sighs, burying his face on Ten’s shoulder. “I got scared.”

His heart leaps when Ten’s arms loop around him. “Sorry if I freaked you out.” He feels Ten gulp. “Or, you know, I didn’t look as freaked out as you were.”

“Take care of yourself, okay?”

“I will.”

They pull away, and Johnny brushes a stray tear from Ten’s eye with his thumb. Ten smiles, and asks, “Can we get all-you-can-eat breakfast? I’m starving.”

Johnny beams and takes Ten’s hand. Everything’s okay again.

⏳

The hospital mails them the results two days later, and while Johnny doesn’t understand the readings much, he’s relieved to find a doctor’s note that says nothing is wrong with Ten.

As for the hair shedding, the doctor attributes it to the effects of stress showing late and the season. Her only recommendation is for Ten to stick to a balanced diet and get some rest.

“I told you,” Ten tells him with a smile.

Johnny drops the letter on the kitchen island, next to the fish bowl. He can’t seem to shake off the frown on his face. “Follow the doctor’s recommendations, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Ten waves his hand, taking out a tray of cookies from the oven. “Luckily, the team’s going to Busan for the weekend, so that’s rest and relaxation there.”

To celebrate the success of the launch, Ten’s company will be going to Busan as a reward for everyone’s efforts. If anything is going to make Johnny stay calm over the weekend, it’s that Taeyong is more insufferable than he is in making sure Ten eats and gets the rest he needs.

He helps Ten distribute the cookies in two boxes, one for Ten’s co-workers and another for Ten’s parents that Johnny will deliver to Yeosu tomorrow. Johnny decides to blast music from his phone’s speakers as they work.

He’s placing the lid on one of the cookie boxes when he notices it, the goldfish tank. He rarely paid attention to it, but something looks wrong …

“Ten?” Johnny asks. “Is it me or is one fish missing?”

“Hmm?” Ten closes the lid on the cookie box he was working on and crouches down so his head is level with the tank. “Oh. Yoochun was dead as soon as I got home yesterday. Had to flush him down the toilet.”

⏳

Unlike his last visit, today’s trip to Yeosu actually felt exciting. He’s on an assignment for an article he feels passionate about, plus he knows that he’s fully accepted by his in-laws. 

At least Junhyung looks cheerful when he drops by for dinner after his assignment. They talked about Johnny’s assignment, his work, and the clothing line launch a few weeks ago. Sooyeon asked about their plans for Chuseok and when they’re flying to Chicago to visit Johnny’s parents and take their eventual honeymoon.

“I was planning to book a flight after Chuseok, actually,” Johnny says with a grin, pausing a bit before sipping his tea. He decides to mention the hair shedding incident because his parents might have noticed some of Ten’s health’s conditions that didn’t manifest when he’s around Kun and Taeyong. “Actually, I just want to double-check something before I book a flight.”

“What is it?” Sooyeon asks. She had cut her hair, making her look younger than her age.

His grip on his mug tightens. He doesn’t want his in-laws to worry unnecessarily, but he would feel bad not telling them of Ten’s situation. “Well, just a couple of days ago, I kind of freaked out about Ten.” And he proceeds to tell them of what happened.

By the time he’s finished, his in-law exchange concerned looks. Johnny feels almost guilty of saying anything at all, but Junhyung smiles at him. “Thank you for telling us,” he says. “How is he now?”

“He’s fine. The doctor said it’s just stress. He’s going on vacation on the weekend, and Taeyong’s there to take care of him, so I’m not super worried.” He takes a sip of his tea. “Did Ten have any health problems while he was with you? Aside from the ankle?”

Junhyung shakes his head. “He’s healthy, fortunately. I only worry about him when he disappears without warning.”

“But he always turns up fine. And without a scratch.” Sooyeon chuckles. “We used to worry about him whenever he isn’t at home after school, but he told us he’s always at the playground. You two used to spend time there, right?”

Johnny smiles and nods.

“But knowing Ten …” She shakes her head. “He loves hiding things from us. If you can get him to open up to you, maybe you’ll find out what’s on his mind.”

Johnny thought that, after three years of dating Ten and a few months after marrying him, that he would know Ten like an open book. But that probably isn’t the case. Maybe there’s more to Ten that he doesn’t know yet, but he couldn’t wait to learn about it. Even if it takes him years.

His in-laws are looking expectantly at him, so he nods, hoping that the gesture is reassurance enough.

⏳

“Got everything packed?”

“Yup.” Ten has the strap of his backpack on one hand and another bag in the other. His eyes are sparkling, barely able to hide his excitement for his well-deserved vacation with the team.

“You sure you have everything? Even for your stay at your parents’?” It was a last-minute arrangement, Ten bringing up that his parents wanted him to visit after his trip to Busan. For all their assurances with Johnny, Ten’s parents are probably just as worried about him, after all.

Ten rolls his eyes. “Yes, Mom. And I have some spare clothes at home in case I run out for some reason.” He laughs when Johnny pouts, reaching forward to pinch Johnny’s cheeks with his free hand. “I’ll be fine, baby.”

Johnny wants to trust Ten on that, so he nods. “You know,” he says, remembering his conversation with Ten’s parents, “if there’s anything bothering you, you know you can tell me, right?”

The statement seems to take Ten by surprise. He releases his grip on Johnny’s cheek and looks at him with wide eyes. Johnny wonders if he said something wrong.

Then his gaze softens and he steps forward and hugs Johnny, burying his face in his chest. “Of course, I will,” he says. “You’ll be the first to know.”

Johnny seems to relax at that, and he holds Ten closer. He knows his husband will be gone for only a couple of days, but he’s too reluctant to let go at the moment.


	10. ten

The view from atop the metal jungle gym doesn’t seem to give him the usual contentment today. They’re just a bunch of buildings, and Ten wishes he could see something else, something more exciting.

Anything to get rid of the ache in his heart.

“Ten!”

He hears someone calling his name, getting louder and louder. Soon, Johnny is by the foot of the jungle gym, bent over, hands on his knees as he tries to catch his breath. “Why’d you run away like that?”

Ten doesn’t reply to that. He tucks his knees on his chest, staring out at the view. Boring as it may, he’d rather look at it than look at Johnny.

“Ten, please come down. We haven’t finished talking.”

If there’s one thing Ten is sure of, it’s that he could never say no to Johnny. He stands up and jumps down, ignoring the slight pain on his left ankle. He doesn’t miss the way Johnny grimaces, as he always does when Ten prefers to jump down the jungle gym rather than climb down.

Johnny takes a seat on the swing, and Ten takes the swing seat beside him. The taller boy shifts so that they’re facing each other, and Ten would want to drown in those honey-colored eyes if he hadn’t learned the news …

“I’m coming with you to Chicago.” It’s Ten who breaks the silence.

Johnny’s eyes widen. “What? No!”

“Why not?” Ten’s question comes out as a whine. “Your parents can take care of me.”

“Ten,” Johnny says weakly. “They’re not your parents.”

He scrunches his nose. “My parents aren’t my real ones either, but they love me just the same.”

Johnny sighs. “There’s tons of paperwork, too. We’re American citizens, and taking you in means you have to be American, too. And that would take  _ years _ .”

“Oh.” Ten looks down at his shoes. Johnny had explained it to him one time, when Ten had asked why his name doesn’t sound Korean. Johnny said something about his parents working hard to become Americans so that he could live an easier life. His father’s work assignments with his workplace in the US took him to live in Korea, but now they want him back in Chicago. Chicago is miles away from Korea, and Johnny living there is almost equivalent to not seeing him again ever.

A hand reaches for his, gently swaying as Johnny makes slight swings from his seat. “We can always talk online. It’s not the same as hanging out, but …”

“Maybe,” Ten blurts before Johnny could finish, “I should go to school in Chicago, too.”

Johnny’s eyes widen, there’s a tug at the edge of his lips. “You need to be really good in English.”

“I’m getting better at it.” Ten puffs his chest.

“Your grades would have to be really high.”

“Then I’ll study hard and go to Chicago. So I can be with you again.”

Johnny would have said something to convince him not to go, but this time, he doesn’t. Instead, he stands up and holds out his hands, pulling Ten up to his arms. “I’m gonna miss you, Tennie. We’ll make it work, I promise.”

And Ten, who knows nothing but love for Johnny, nods and believes.

⏳

“Hey, Ten. Wake up.”

Ten opens his eyes, then squints it again as sunlight bursts through his line of vision. He groans and shifts to his side of the mattress, whining when an arm pulls him up.

“You’ve had enough naps, Tennie~” Yuta singsongs. “Come on, now. We’re going to the beach!”

They’ve checked into their hotel, a cozy eight-story building located at the heart of the city. After lunch and a trip to the Cheongsapo Daritol Skywalk, Ten had mentioned feeling light-headed, so he decided to go back to the hotel to sleep.

Maybe a trip to the beach is just what he needs. They still have a long day ahead, per the itinerary Taeyong created. After the beach is a trip to the cinema and spa, then dinner, then they’re free to do whatever they want.

His teammates’ energy is infectious, and Ten feels more energetic by the time they arrive at the beach. Yuta drags him to the shores with the rest of their team, and Ten yelps at the feeling of the cool water on his feet amid the warm, summer air.

Everyone is in high spirits after the launch, even more so now that they have a weekend of rest as a reward. All sleepless nights of staying in the office, crying over rejected ideas and slow suppliers, and breaking down an hour before the actual launch were absolutely worth it.

Some of their teammates stay by the shores to make sandcastles, but Ten decides to follow Yuta to the waters. He shivers as he feels the coldness rush throughout his body. Yuta says something he can’t hear, and Ten strains to understand until his friend splashes water at his direction.

Ten laughs. It’s on.

He doesn’t know how long he and Yuta have been playing by the waters, but he does hear Taeyong calling them, saying something about snacks.

“Come on, Ten! I’m starving!” Yuta calls, already wading back to shore.

Ten feels his stomach growl and follows Yuta, but that’s when it happens.

He looks up at the sun and flinches at how bright it is, and suddenly, the world is spinning, then fading to black …

Ten barely registers splashing to the waters.

⏳

When he wakes up, he’s surrounded by people hovering above him. He’s lying down, and it’s dark, but Ten attributes it to the people surrounding him and the shade of the beach umbrella.

“He’s awake!” Yuta exhales, his shoulders relaxing. “You okay there, Ten?”

Ten sits up, immediately regretting it when his head pounds painfully. “What happened?” he asks, rubbing his forehead. His hand quickly reaches for his necklace, and is relieved to find it, and his wedding ring, secure around his neck.

“I should be asking you that.” Taeyong’s forehead is furrowed, his face pale. “I saw you faint while you were on your way back to shore! You’re lucky you’re on the shallow part of the beach, or else …”

Now, Ten remembers. He looked up, and suddenly everything felt faint. “I don’t know what happened …” he says. “Sorry I worried you guys. I must have been more tired than I thought.”

Taeyong sighs. “Just lie down for a bit. We’ll be leaving in a few minutes, anyway.”

“Please don’t tell Johnny about this.” He flinches when Taeyong raises an eyebrow. “I don’t want him running to Busan or asking me to go home.”

His cousin seems to hesitate.

“Please, Yongie? I’ll tell him myself, I promise.”

Taeyong bites his bottom lip before eventually shrugging. “Fine. But promise me you’ll take care of yourself.”

Ten sighs in relief. “I promise,” he declares.

Somehow, Ten could tell that Taeyong can see through his lie. Then again, they’ve spent most of their teenage years together, so they could sense what the other is feeling, even if they don’t say it out loud.

⏳

Fortunately, the rest of the day goes on without a hitch. They leave the beach to walk around the city and look for a place to eat. There are talks about going to Spa land or the Gamcheon Culture Village the next day, and they decide to split into groups to do whatever they want.

They head back to the hotel at night with drinks, and they squish themselves in Taeyong, Yuta, and Ten’s room to get shitfaced. Taeyong, the lightweight that he is, gets knocked out after a drinking game, and after a couple more rounds, they decide to call it a night.

“Part of me wants to send a photo of this to our stockholders.” Yuta snickers as he sets a sleeping Taeyong on his bed.

Ten laughs at that. “If you love unemployment, sure.” He sits at the edge of his bed and grabs a glass of water. He’s already nursing a headache, and he doesn’t want to die of a hangover the next day.

“Hey, you okay?” Yuta asks, sitting on the alcove of their room. It gives them a stunning view of Busan at nighttime.

He knows Yuta isn’t asking about his current headache. After all, he was the one who pulled Ten out of the water after fainting.

Yuta’s almost third fiddle to their trio. He and Taeyong are the dreamers and the faces of the designs of their clothing line, with Yuta willingly taking a step back to take care of operations and the rest of the dirty work. Still, Yuta never resented them for it or asked for attention, even if he rightfully deserved it.

Yuta is also the best person to confide in when Taeyong gets unbearable. Of course, Ten isn’t going to disclose everything, so he sips his water slowly, trying to think of the best way to confide in his friend.

“Have you …” he begins, wringing his hands. “Have you ever realized that you don’t have much time and you still want to do a lot of things?”

Yuta blinks, but he looks less worried than he was a few minutes ago. He probably thinks that Ten is tipsy and this is just one of their drunk existential crisis conversations. And he’s glad because that spares him for more prying questions.

“Well …” Yuta reaches for the remaining bottle of beer on the table. “That’s the beauty of life, I guess. We don’t have a lot of time, so we do our best to make the most of the things we want to do.”

Ten knows that. It had hit him hard on his 24th birthday, and he knew he had to do the things he wants to do before, well …

“I mean,” Yuta continues talking. “But if we had more time to do the things we want to do, then we’d run out of things to do. And that wouldn’t be fun, would it?”

Ten smiles despite the heavy feeling in his chest. “You know, you probably should get drunk more often if you’re gonna be making profound answers like these.”

“If I love unemployment, sure.”

Ten snorts and throws one of his pillows at Yuta’s direction.

⏳

Despite yesterday’s incident, Ten finds himself already missing Busan. He wishes he had more time to relax with his teammates before they go back to Seoul, back to work.

Taeyong promised they’d go out again, probably for the holidays. Ten knows that’s close to the end, but at least he’ll still be there. Hopefully.

He’s reluctant to part with the team to take the train to Yeosu, but he knows this trip is important. He was promised until his 25th birthday, but all signs—the allergies, the hair shedding, his tendency to get tired easily—toward the end of the first half of the year … they shouldn’t be happening.

Should they?

He texts Johnny and Taeyong as soon as he descends the bus, taking a photo as proof. Usually, his parents pick him up at the bus station, but not today. He said that he wouldn’t arrive until evening.

Not that his parents would know that he’s already here at three in the afternoon. Nor will they know that he’ll be doing a pitstop first before heading home.

He takes a taxi to the beach and walks from there, toward the familiar concrete stairs. The cat that Johnny had cooed over the last time they had been there is sitting by the foot of the stairs, turning its head and narrowing its eyes toward him.

Ten returns the gesture. “Don’t look at me like that, Eleven.”

The cat—Eleven—hisses and makes its way upstairs, to where Mother is.

She’s sitting on the porch of her home, eating a slice of apple. Eleven comes lounging next to her, licking its paws. A few more cats come out from where they’re hiding in the bushes, staring at Ten for a couple of seconds before minding their own business.

His gaze meets Mother’s, and she notes how Ten is heaving from dragging his luggage all the way up. Something flashes in her eyes, but before Ten could ask her, she tosses an apple in his direction.

Ten reaches out his free hand. The apple lands on his palm, but his fingers fail to grip it on time that it bounces to the ground. He feels his heart drop, flexing his fingers to a fist to will to have complete control of his body once more.

“Of course.” She clucks her tongue before munching on another apple slice. She licks her lips. “It’s been eleven years.”

Ten knows that, but he was wishing, hoping, for Mother to say something else. Anything but the inevitable. “I looked up at the sun and got dizzy,” he says, setting his luggage to the side and taking a seat on the empty chair next to her. “And before that, I got allergies and my hair started shedding. It’s because of that, isn’t it?”

She doesn’t say anything, and it irritates Ten. Then again, he had practically begged her for this, so he’s just here on terms they agreed on. But he thinks of the clock ticking, and maybe, just maybe …

“Can’t you do something about it?” He looks at her, and at Eleven, who had plopped on the table. Mother strokes its neck, and it goes limp at her touch. You can do something for my sake, right?”

Mother shakes her head. “There’s nothing I can do anymore.”

A lump forms on his throat, even though he expected the answer. “But—”

“You chose it for yourself.” This time, Mother’s hand rubs his head. Ten feels the tension in his entire body disappear, and he sighs, resting his cheek on Mother’s hand. “You knew time couldn’t be repeated.”

“I’m twenty-four years old, though,” he says, closing his eyes.

Mother chuckles. “But that’s old enough, isn’t it?” She then turns serious. “Soon, your presence and memories from the people involved with you, even just once, will disappear. You knew that, but you still chose it.”

Ten knows that, too. It has been in his thoughts all his life. And now that it’s about to end, he thinks of his parents, Taeyong and Yuta, Sicheng and Kun,  _ Johnny _ … And he wants nothing of a deadline.

“I still want to live.”

He still wants to gather with his loved ones around a restaurant, holding out a cake with twenty-five, twenty-six, twenty-seven … a hundred candles around it.

But that wasn’t part of the agreement he made thirteen years ago.

“You’re at your limit.” Mother stands up and holds out his hand. “Nap with me inside. For old time’s sake.”

And so Ten spends a couple of hours curled up on the couch, his head on Mother’s lap. Mother strokes his head and his sides as she sings him a lullaby, and Ten drifts off as soon as he gets the answer to the question he has been dreading to ask.

“How much longer do I have?”

“You may not live until the new year.”


	11. johnny

Yongsan Station is a hive of activity, with people flitting in different directions to get to their destination. Johnny sighs when he finds an empty seat by the benches near the Arrivals area, sending Ten a text of where he was before sitting down.

**To: Ten** **  
** Here by the benches~

**From: Ten** **  
** Just walked out of the train~

Sure enough, Johnny sees his husband’s approaching figure. His heart leaps and he stands up, meeting Ten halfway in a hug. “Hey, you,” he greets, taking in Ten’s familiar scent.

There’s a nearby thud, and arms snake around his middle. Ten buries his face on Johnny’s chest, and he could feel him smile. “Missed you.”

“Missed you, too.” Johnny pulls away and pecks Ten on the lips. “How was the trip?” he asks, even though Ten had kept him updated through text.

“I wish the Busan trip could last longer, but it was fun.” Ten pulls away and grins. He’s still concerningly thinner, but Johnny could tell that the slight plumpness on his face is a sign that Taeyong and Sooyeon did what they could to feed him. “Mom would have wanted me to stay for another week, but I told her she can wait until Chuseok.”

Johnny bends down to reach for Ten’s luggage, while his free hand reaches for Ten’s hand. “Are you hungry?”

They end up in a nearby Italian restaurant. Johnny remembers they have gone on a date here at one point. It’s probably the shelves of bottles of wine, the frames and frames of family photos on the walls, and the hanging plants from the ceiling that attracted Johnny to this place.

“When was the last time we were on a date?” Ten asks, his eyes never leaving the menu.

Johnny tries to remember, and his eyes widen when he does. “Like, after the wedding? I don’t think we did.”

Ten looks just as scandalized as he is. “You’re right,” he whispers, straightening in his seat. “We’re turning into a boring old couple quickly.”

“We were busy, Ten.” Johnny chuckles. “The launch happened, and my beat was crazy.”

“We should do it again.” Ten raises his hand to call a waiter. “Go on a date, I mean.”

Johnny nods. He still has some leave credits that he knows he should spend on because he hasn’t taken one since the wedding and Ten’s checkup. “Got anything in mind?”

⏳

For men in their mid-twenties, the sight of the words “LOTTE WORLD ADVENTURE” plastered on the entrance of the building still makes their bodies tingle. The way Ten was practically bouncing on the ride is already a sign for Johnny that this date is going to be fun.

“The last time I’ve been to Lotte World was after college, with Sicheng and Kun,” Ten mentions as they head inside the amusement park, hand in hand. “Where do you think we should go first?”

It’s a weekday during the summer, so they’re surrounded by children and their parents, and teenagers on their vacation. The music that plays all over the area is festive, increasing his excitement even more. He looks at his map, then nods. “How about the rink?”

Johnny hasn’t skated in years, but Ten hasn’t either, so they struggle on their skating boots around the rink while the kids glide as if it’s nothing. They occasionally fall on their butts, and Ten gives up, lying on the ice and spreading his arms and legs as if creating a nonexistent snow angel.

Johnny joins him afterward, ignoring the stares they got from other skaters.

After a quick brunch, they head to the first-floor area where they try every video game imaginable. They shoot zombies, try crane games and air hockey, and Johnny almost had his ass served by Ten at Dance Dance Revolution, had Ten not uncharacteristically fumbled at the most challenging song.

Bumper cars and other rides were on the list of their Things to Try, but Ten starts moving more sluggishly. Johnny decides they should take a coffee break.

Ten snuggles up to him when he sets down their orders in the café. “Sorry,” he mumbles. “Got tired.”

“Should I be worried?” Johnny asks. He was almost about to fuss over Ten, but if there’s one thing he learned is that his husband hates to reveal any health-related problem when Johnny starts panicking. (Even though Ten promised that he’ll tell Johnny everything.)

Ten shakes his head. “I’m fine. We did spend too much time on DDR.”

Fair point. Even Johnny was out of breath by the time they finished. “Okay. But let me know if you’re not feeling well.”

Ten looks up at him, his smile reaching his eyes. “Of course,” he says, kissing Johnny on the cheek.

Johnny realizes he’s just as exhausted, so they decide to call it a day. They get a couple of lunch boxes for takeout because they’re pretty sure they’ll be too lazy to make something for dinner.

They end up skipping dinner when Ten flops on the couch, and Johnny ends up doing the same, wrapping his arms around his husband’s smaller frame, peppering kisses on Ten’s shoulder until he sighs and drifts off to sleep. They’ll worry about stiff bodies when they wake up the next day.

⏳

“You should have dragged me to the bed. My neck is killing me.”

Johnny, who surprisingly woke up completely fine, grins and shrugs, his focus on the pancakes he’s making. “I’m not the one who decided to sleep on the couch.”

“Shut up.” A sharp, cold sensation slightly brushes through his arm. When he looks, Ten is pressing an ice pack on his neck. He groans as he tries to move his neck, then wincing when he does. “Thank god it’s Saturday today.”

“And Saturday means Donghyuck’s coming over.” Johnny grins at the thought.

Ten brightens up at the mention of their young neighbor’s name. “Hyuckie! I miss that kid. It seems like I didn’t get to see him lately.”

“You missed him when you were in Busan. But I’m sure he’ll be glad to see you.”

Sure enough, Donghyuck’s face brightens when he greets Ten, arms wrapping around his husband’s middle. Johnny takes in how Ten’s expression softens as he ruffles the boy's hair before steering him to the living room.

“I’ll be a lot late coming home today,” Chanmi says, fiddling with a stray strand of thread from her cotton cardigan. “Would it be alright if he stays here until early evening? I can pay for his dinner.”

Johnny shakes his head. “It’s fine, noona. We love having Hyuckie around.”

And they’re back to normal, he and Donghyuck on the dining table, Donghyuck’s notebooks, pens, and crayons occupying the entire table. Ten, who has little participation in tutoring sessions, is sprawled on the couch, scrolling through his phone while his earphones are on.

Since their babysitting-slash-tutoring session is longer today, Donghyuck starts feeling restless. Johnny had ended their tutoring session after a couple of hours for lunch, and it’s obvious that he doesn’t want to be sitting at home all day.

Johnny doesn’t think it’s a good idea to have Donghyuck just watch television either. “We should take Donghyuck out somewhere,” he tells Ten when they stand side by side at the sink, his husband washing the dishes. “What do you think?”

Ten hums, rinsing the plate before placing it in the dryer. “Well, we do need to catch up on errands,” he points out. “We can bring him along.”

“Good idea.” So he approaches Donghyuck, who is drawing something on a sheet of paper. “Hey, Hyuckie. I was thinking we should go outside.”

⏳

Donghyuck, he learns, isn’t so fussy about tailing along with them on their chores. He likes looking around, taking in his surroundings, and asking Johnny and Ten when he doesn’t understand what’s happening. Sometimes the questions go on and on unless they both say they don’t know the answer and they can look it up later, which seems to satisfy Donghyuck.

They’re in a relatively safe area of the city, and the streets are busy with food stalls and booths of secondhand stalls, books, and everything imaginable. They buy a couple of things they could use at home, and Johnny splurges on a book he has been looking for. Donghyuck insists they buy one of the handcrafted necklaces for Chanmi, and Johnny’s heart leaps at the gesture.

“You really love your mom, don’t you?” Ten asks, taking Donghyuck’s hand as they stroll at the park. Johnny would have taken Donghyuck’s hand, if not for the plastic bags he was holding on one hand and the ice cream cone on the other.

Donghyuck nods, tongue flitting out as he licks his ice cream. “She works really hard to make me happy. So I hope I can make her happy with this one.”

“I’m sure she will be.” Johnny feels his lips tug up out of his own volition. “You had a great time today, Hyuckie?”

“I did!”

It’s too early for dinner, so they settle in a nearby playground. Johnny sets down the bags on the nearby bench and follows Donghyuck, who plops on one of the swing seats. Unsurprisingly, Ten heads to the metal jungle gym.

“Johnny hyung!” Donghyuck calls, grip tight on the swing. “Can you make me fly?”

He chuckles. “Not completely, but I’ll try.” He heads behind Donghyuck and bends down, pushing the swing enough to make Donghyuck swing higher, but not too strong to send him flying to the other side of the playground.

Donghyuck squeals, and Johnny keeps pushing while watching for their belongings and Ten. His husband, to his surprise, is leaning against the jungle metal gym, as opposed to being on top of it, as he always is.

“You okay?” Johnny asks when he stops pushing the swing, just as Donghyuck went off to play with other kids who came to the playground.

Ten smiles, reassuring as he reaches for Johnny’s hand. “Just didn’t want to do anything the kids might wanna copy. You know, wanna be a good role model and all.”

Johnny relaxes, raising Ten’s hand and placing a gentle kiss on his knuckles. “Let’s wait for Donghyuck to get tired.”

They sit on the bench, arms around each other as they watch Donghyuck swing some more before plopping back on the ground. There’s a squeal as he rushes to something by the edge of the playground. “Hyung, look! It’s a cat!”

Johnny looks at Ten, who lets out an amused sigh before getting up and heading toward the boy. Sure enough, there’s a cat stuck in a dirt hole. It’s small, and its pleading dark eyes and soft mewls make Johnny instantly soft.

“It’s too hard to reach.” Donghyuck’s bottom lip juts out. “You have to help him, hyung.”

Of course. Johnny crouches and reaches out his hand, scooping out the kitten from the hole. The kitten clings to his arm, and Johnny winces at the slight scratch of its claws against its skin, but he manages to place the kitten on Donghyuck’s arms.

“It’s so cute,” Donghyuck coos, stroking the cat’s fur. “Hyung, it really likes you. It didn’t want me to take it when I tried rescuing it.”

“Your Johnny hyung here loves cats.” Ten chuckles, elbowing Johnny slightly. “Has quite a history with them.”

Donghyuck’s eyes widen. “You speak to cats?”

Johnny laughs. “I just happen to save a lot of them. He shows Donghyuck the scar from the side of his hand. “I got this when I tried to save a cat when I was a kid.”

“What happened?” Donghyuck’s free hand reaches for the scar, fingers brushing through the mark.

He remembers clearly what had happened, even though most childhood memories to him are a blur. “I was thirteen? It was raining, and the tides were high. I was about to head home from the beach when I heard a faint meow. Turns out, there was a kitten stuck in the rocks.”

Donghyuck had sat down on the ground, transfixed at Johnny as he strokes the kitten. “Just like this kitten?”

Johnny remembers as if it happened yesterday. “It was a black cat, with the cutest, most curious green eyes I’ve ever seen. But when I reached down, it scratched me. So I got the scar.”

“What happened to the kitten?”

“I rescued it. I got this blue temple charm in my bag, so I used that to lure the cat out.” Johnny grins at the memory. “It had really pretty eyes, you know. At that time, having that kitten staring at me as I wrapped my arms around it … it kind of felt like love at first sight.”

Eventually, their conversation was interrupted by a girl and her mother searching for their pet cat. They thank them profusely, and they watch them walk off before heading home themselves.

As always, Johnny handles the bags while Ten takes Donghyuck’s hand. It’s a bit of a stretch, but Ten manages to take his right hand, kissing the side with the scar in it. “I love you,” his husband whispers.

Ten’s eyes sparkle in a way that takes Johnny’s breath away, the same way it did when they met gazes the first time they met. His smile comes off as lopsided, but nevertheless full of love. 

He leans for a quick kiss and an “I love you, too” before they get interrupted by Donghyuck asking them to hurry up because his mother’s coming home.


	12. ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apologies for the delayed update. quarantine hasn't been good to me, mental health-wise.
> 
> hope you're all staying healthy and safe!

The seasons have changed, and the sweltering summer heat has gradually become cooler. Ten’s parents crank down the AC, and the two of them get to enjoy studying on the balcony in Ten’s room without complaining about the heat.

Ten feels like he’s getting better with his studies if his grades were of any indication. His homeroom teacher had told his parents that much, too. Still, he has a long way to go because there are final exams for the school year and that would determine if he’s going to repeat a grade or move up.

And the sooner he catches up and moves up with the rest of his classmates, the more quickly he gets to go to college in Chicago and be with Johnny for good.

He squints at the words in his English textbooks and frowns at the gibberish. They’re learning idioms or sentences that don’t make sense literally but they refer to something else. Ten still can’t grip his head around it (why can’t people just get to the point?), but he’s trying.

Luckily, Johnny grew up speaking both fluent Korean and English, so he’s there to help Ten out.

“Johnny, I can’t understand this one.”

“Let me see.” Johnny scoots closer to him, their shoulders touching. Ten smiles at the warmth seeping from the boy beside him. “Oh. _A cat has nine lives_ ,” he says out loud before translating to Korean.

His eyes widen, and his gaze returns to the book, blood cold of a sudden. “Cats don’t have nine lives,” he murmurs. “They live up to 25 human years. Dad told me,” he adds quickly as a lie.

He doesn’t want to be reminded of it.

“Oh, that’s … too bad.” Johnny frowns. “This is one of those idioms, though. I think it just refers to the fact that they survive dangerous situations. Like when they land on their feet when they jump somewhere high. But when it’s the end of their life …” He shakes his head. “Let’s not think about it, okay?”

Ten smiles, grateful. He’s determined to forget about where he came from. He just wants to live like this.

⏳

Cooler temperatures have replaced the sweltering heat, a change that Ten openly welcomes. His hair stops shedding, but he feels the end nearing. The fact that he couldn’t get on top of the jungle gym during his trip with Johnny and Donghyuck to the playground is already an obvious sign.

Luckily, he’s gone better at hiding how weak he feels. His shaky hands? He probably had too much coffee. The headaches? He couldn’t sleep the night before. And sometimes he would hop in bed early, relaying to Johnny that he’s changing his bedtime habits.

It works. After some gentle reprimands from his friends, no one prods further.

Mundane parts of the day become wonderful memories. From waking up to Johnny’s sleeping form to spending time with his friends despite their busy schedules. He tries to go to every dinner invitation, says yes to every date Johnny asks him out to, and just soak in being with the people he loves.

Because when he’s gone, he’ll be forgotten.

At least there’s the trip to Chicago to look forward to. At least, if he makes it ...

“Hyung, are you sad?”

There’s a finger poking his cheek, and when Ten looks to his side, he meets Donghyuck’s curious eyes.

They’re sitting outside the small balcony of his and Johnny’s apartment. It’s the usual Saturday babysitting gig, only this time Johnny’s away on an assignment. Ten had initially panicked at the thought of baby-sitting a kid without Johnny around, but he said yes anyway because he didn’t want Chanmi to look for someone else.

And fortunately, it goes smoothly. Instead of the usual tutoring, Ten takes Donghyuck out for a walk, where they had lunch at a restaurant and roamed around the mall. The rest of the day is spent watching a kids’ movie on Netflix, after which they just ended up on the balcony, swaying their legs against the open area between the railings.

He forces a smile and shakes his head, sipping his tea. “I’m fine, Hyuckie. Just tired, that’s all.”

Donghyuck huffs. “I’m not stupid. Mom has that face when she’s sad. Like, thinking about Dad.”

Ten curses the fact that Donghyuck is one smart six-year-old. He sighs, looking at his half-empty cup. “I _am_ sad,” he admits. “But you know what? I don’t mind.”

“Really?” Donghyuck sets down his cup and looks at Ten as if some animal had appeared from behind him. “Why is being sad okay?”

He has until the end of the year, or earlier than that. He had despaired about it, and he could despair some more, but that wouldn’t make a difference. Still, he’ll have days like these, and part of him feels … thankful, in a way.

“Because … it’s proof that you’re alive.”

  
⏳  
  
  


Johnny finds him that night on the couch, scrolling through his phone, a sleeping Donghyuck on his lap. His expression softens, and he tiptoes toward Ten, pecking his lips before setting down his bag next to the coffee table.

“Chanmi noona’s gonna be back in a bit,” Ten tells him. “Have you eaten? I haven’t exactly prepared anything.”

Johnny shakes his head. “I’ll get us some takeout,” he announces, taking out his phone.

Soon, Chanmi arrives, smelling like charcoal from the grill. She looks tired, but her face brightens as she takes Donghyuck to her arms and thanks Ten for his time. Donghyuck manages to stir, though he clings to his mother as he bids goodbye. “Don’t be sad anymore, okay, hyung?”

Ten smiles and nods, ruffling Donghyuck’s hair and avoiding Johnny’s gaze.

  
⏳  
  
  


They settle comfortably on the ground of the living room, their backs against the foot of the couch as they eat chicken while marathoning Studio Ghibli films and talking about their upcoming Chicago trip. Ten remembers watching these movies with Johnny for the first time and falling in love with how ordinary yet magical they are.

They’re nice escapes to the inevitable. The alcohol in his system helps, too.

He hiccups, leaning his head toward Johnny’s shoulder as _Howl’s Moving Castle_ comes to its end. “Do you think we’ll ever be like them?” he asks, pointing to Sophie as she throws herself on Howl, their happy ending finally achieved.

“Aren’t we already?” Johnny throws one arm around Ten, thumb rubbing soothing circles on his arm. “I’m Howl, you’re Sophie.”

Ten snorts, and he feels Johnny roll his eyes.

“Fine. You’re Howl, I’m Sophie.” Johnny’s chest rises slightly as he chuckles. “Donghyuck could probably be Markl.”

He totally imagines that, a Donghyuck with a green vest and an orange bowtie tailing after Johnny. “He’d be like our kid.”

Johnny’s thumb stops rubbing circles, and Ten thinks he said something wrong. “Is that …” his husband says slowly. “Is that why Donghyuck thought you were sad …?”

Not really. But suddenly, the thought of them holding hands with Donghyuck as they stroll around the aquarium caused a heavy wave in his chest. He ends up nodding. “I know you want kids. I could tell whenever you look at Hyuckie.”

“I do.” Johnny sounds so earnest. And it hurts because he could probably have one, but not with Ten. “Do you …?”

More than anything. He looks up at Johnny and meets his honey-colored eyes. How lucky he is to have seen those after being saved by him twelve years ago. But …

“I don’t think I’m ready yet.” He avoids Johnny’s gaze and focuses on the screen, which is now showing credits. “I mean … Donghyuck was nice, but …” He feels a lump in his throat; it’s so difficult to lie, no matter how many times he’s done it. “I panicked most of the time.”

Johnny nods, his free hand stroking Ten’s hair. “Okay,” he says. “But we’ve only been married for a year. We’ll have the time to figure out if we’re ready, right?”

Ten’s chest threatens to burst, and his eyes water. He’ll blame it on the alcohol. “Okay,” he says, tilting his head up for a kiss.

  
⏳  
  
  


On some days, Ten feels fine, being able to walk around without feeling tired.

But today, he’s bone-deep exhausted, ready to pass out anytime. Luckily for him, their staff is out having lunch and Taeyong is on his day off. Yuta’s off to have lunch with some college friends.

He has at least an hour to put himself together before—

“Jesus, Ten, are you okay?”

 _No._ He opens his eyes and realizes he’s crouched on the foot of his desk. He looks up and sees Yuta hovering over him, eyes wide with concern. “I thought …” he croaks. “I thought you’re out for lunch.”

“That’s not the point, Ten.” Yuta shakes his head. “You look … terrible.”

Ten forces a smile. “I told you, I’m using my lunch break to take a nap.”

“On the floor?” Yuta raises an eyebrow. “You’re pale.” He places a hand on Ten’s forehead before he could react. “Shit, you’re feverish. Why don’t you take the rest of the day off? It’s not like we’re busy today.”

He shakes his head. “I’m fine, Yuta.” He gets up to head back to his desk, in an attempt to prove his point.

Yuta’s grip on his arm is tight, and he looks stern. He rarely gets angry, but when he does, he becomes someone you don’t want to cross. “You’re going home. Come on, I’m driving you. It’s your home or the hospital. You pick.”

The drive from the office to Ten’s house is quiet. Ten would have wanted to sleep, but he couldn’t. “Sorry,” he mutters instead, looking at the hands tucked on his lap.

“Sorry for what?” Yuta asks, his gaze not leaving the road. His expression has softened, thank god.

His gaze doesn’t leave his hands. “For worrying you.”

“Don’t say sorry for that. You should focus on taking care of your health,” Yuta says. “You’ve probably tricked Taeyong already, but I know you’ve gotten worse since the company trip.”

A lump forms in Ten’s throat. “I’m that obvious, huh?”

Yuta chuckles. “No, I’m just observant.” He makes a sharp turn. “I’m guessing you’re hiding it from Kun, too. And Johnny. Why? Aren’t married couples supposed to be honest with each other?”

This time, Ten looks up and glares at Yuta. “I don’t want Johnny to worry, okay?”

“He’s going to _actually_ notice when you look like you’re dying.” He stops the car when the light turns red and finally looks at Ten, brows furrowed. “Wait, you’re not actually dying, are you?”

Ten would automatically lie, but this time, he couldn’t. The lump in his throat is so big that he couldn’t form words. He closes his eyes to prevent the tears from falling, and he takes deep breaths to calm himself down.

“Shit …” Yuta breathes out, and Ten jumps in his seat when his friend’s hand slams on the wheel, causing a loud honking sound. “Are you fucking serious? What are you sick with?”

“Does it matter?” Ten asks wryly, then realizing he had practically admitted that he’s dying.

“What?” Yuta asks incredulously. “Of course it does!” He shakes his head vigorously. “You know what? I can’t drive like this!”

  
⏳  
  
  


Yuta ends up parking the car in a nearby convenience store. Ten gets left in the car as Yuta heads inside, coming out ten minutes later with a plastic bag.

Yuta comes back and hands him a bottle of iced tea, that sugar-free one. “You refuse to tell me what you’re sick with, so I played it safe.”

Ten sticks his tongue out but accepts the bottle anyway. He scrunches his nose at the bitter taste.

“You could at least tell Kun. Or Johnny,” Yuta continues. “It’s not like hope is lost, right? You’re going to get worse if you don’t go to the hospital or something.”

How Ten wishes it were that easy. He looks outside the car window and focuses his gaze on the couple hanging out on the table outside. “I already knew since I was a kid.”

“What?” Yuta sounds perplexed. As he shouldn’t. “You told me you didn’t remember what happened to you before …”

Ten smiles wryly. “I had to, Yuta. Otherwise, people won’t believe me.”

“Wait, what?” When Ten looks, Yuta’s eyes have narrowed. “Ten … who are you?”

Ten has never told anyone who he really is. No one would believe his story and would probably call him insane.

But there’s something about his situation, this trust he has on Yuta, that he straightens in his seat and looks at his friend straight in the eye. “You won’t believe me either, but I’ll tell you anyway.”

“Try me.”


	13. johnny

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little warning before the beginning of this chapter: An almost accident occurs here and has a slight mention of one of the characters imagining the outcome.

**yuta [10:47 am]**

you free for lunch?

will be around the area!

Johnny receives the text from Yuta just when he’s halfway through his feature about a new startup in Gangnam. The words on the screen are starting to swim, mostly because he and the team had an hour-long meeting that involved damage control with an interviewer that a junior writer had slighted. Johnny and Doyoung had rolled their eyes throughout the meeting, wondering why they had to be in the meeting when their editor could just meet with the poor kid privately.

Yuta’s message is a welcome distraction from an article he can’t write, at least not for the next few hours. He turns to Doyoung, who’s leaning on the desk, focused on whatever’s on his phone. “Yuta’s near the area,” he announces. “Wanna grab lunch with him?”

Doyoung shakes his head, his gaze still on his phone. “Meeting with college friends for lunch.”

**johnny [10:52 am]**

sure!

the usual place?

The usual place meant a small restaurant near the office that seats only ten people but has long lines. They meet up just before the line becomes long, and they talk about work. Yuta gripes with him when Johnny talks about the junior writer incident, and Yuta talks about his recently finished mission of talking to a landlord for their first physical store.

They waited for half an hour, but the oxtail soup is worth it. He and Yuta spend the rest of the meal savoring the food. They snap photos and send them to their friends’ group chat.

Ten sends a thumbs-up emoji in response.

The atmosphere around Yuta seems to change, Johnny realizes. His shoulders are hunched, and his eyebrows are furrowed. “Everything okay?” he asks, raising his hand to get the bill.

Yuta meets his gaze, and he looks like he has no choice but to say whatever he’s about to say. “Is Ten doing well?”

Definitely not the question he’s expecting. “Don’t you see him every day?”

Yuta doesn’t look like he’s joking. “Did something change about him?”

“Why are you asking this?” These are questions that Yuta could answer himself. Aside from the scare back in the summer, Ten looks fine. Maybe overworked, but fine.

Yuta’s phone beeps, and he sighs. “Sorry. I have to go.” He reaches inside his bag and takes out his wallet, setting down a couple of bills on the table. “I need to head to Myeongdong for a supplier meeting.”

When he stands up, Johnny notices how the tension hasn’t left Yuta’s body. It’s as if his friend is trying to tell him that something is wrong with Ten. But it’s not his story to tell.

“Take care of him, Johnny. He needs you. Now more than ever.” He reaches into his pocket and takes out a blue trinket, placing it in front of him. And without an explanation, he leaves.

Johnny looks over his shoulder and watches Yuta leave, only being interrupted by the waiter who collects their payment. He then looks at the trinket Yuta had placed before him.

It’s a temple charm, blue and worn out from years of use, probably. It looks familiar as if he’s encountered it before …

Johnny’s eyes widen.

⏳

**ten [06:56 pm]**

just had a horrible day at work

taeyong wants to get drinks

don’t wait up for me

love you ❤️

Johnny wants to tell Ten to head home as soon as possible. The temple charm rests heavily in his pants pocket, and Johnny wants answers.

But, he doesn’t.

**johnny [06:57 pm]**

call me if you need help getting home

or get jaehyun to drop you off

don’t drink too much ok?

love you too ❤️

He probably needs to think this through. Yeah, that’s right. It’s not like it’s what he thinks.

As soon as he gets home, he makes his way to the kitchen and heats up leftovers from last night. It’s Friday night, and he would have gotten something for takeout, but he doesn’t have the appetite for anything else.

He mindlessly eats his dinner while staring at the blue temple charm, occasionally at the goldfish tank. It could have been a coincidence. The temple charm he used to save a cat when he was thirteen couldn’t be this temple charm.

And if it is, how could have Ten gotten it?

Maybe he owned the cat Johnny had saved. But then, he lost his memory but for some reason he carried the temple charm.

(His journalist side is tempted to text Ten’s parents, but how would he explain himself? “Hello, I’m sorry to bother you, but is there any chance that you found Ten all those years ago with a blue temple charm?)

No, he’ll hear it from Ten first.

It’s no use waiting up for Ten if he’ll return home after midnight, so he clears the table and gets ready for bed.

He drifts off to a dreamless sleep as soon as he hits the mattress.

⏳

Arms are around his waist when Johnny wakes up to the sound of the alarm. He groans, peeling himself away from Ten to turn off the alarm on his phone. When he shifts to the side, Ten is obviously awake, eyes closed but forehead scrunched.

“Too loud …” Ten groans, burying his face with a pillow.

Despite the concerns flooding his mind, Johnny manages to chuckle. “What time did you get home?” he asks, running his hand through Ten’s hair.

“Two in the morning …? Everything’s so blurry. I know we played a couple of drinking games and went on a noraebang, but the rest is all blurry.”

“I’ll get you some aspirin.” Johnny gets up. “What do you want for breakfast?”

“Anything. The greasier, the better!”

Ten had gotten up by the time Johnny had set the pancakes, aspirin, and bacon on the dining table. His hair is still mussed and there are dark circles under his eyes, but his smile is bright as he pulls Johnny for a kiss. “Let’s tell Chanmi noona to find someone else to babysit. I just wanna lie down in bed all day.”

He’s tempted. He has to talk to Ten about … the temple charm. But he knows Chanmi wouldn’t find a substitute at the last minute. “Maybe we can talk about it next week,” he says, pecking Ten on the lips before sitting down.

Ten huffs, taking a seat as well. “Fine.”

They eat breakfast in silence. Ten is still recovering from his hangover to start a conversation, and Johnny’s mind keeps running through his vague conversation with Yuta, his childhood memories, and the temple charm heavy in his sweatpants pocket.

He shouldn’t be this nervous. It could mean nothing. Yuta’s probably just concerned that Ten’s overworking again. Ten’s temple charm must have been just eerily similar to the one he had when he was a kid.

But his hunch tells him something is up …

“Everything okay?” Ten’s voice snaps him back to reality.

Johnny blinks. “What makes you think it’s not?” he asks, trying to sound light.

“You have your thinking face.” Ten scoots closer and runs a hand through Johnny’s hair. “Anything I can help you with?”

He has to ask Ten. It might mean nothing, but it also could mean everything. He takes a deep breath, before reaching for the temple charm in his pocket and placing it on the table. “Where did you get this?”

There’s no mistaking the way Ten’s eyes widen, his face suddenly paling, even if he was quick yo neutralize his expression.

“I got this from Yuta,” Johnny continues before Ten could ask. “He sounded worried. He told me you need me now more than ever, then he gave me this.”

Ten’s gaze is focused on his hands on his lap. “He … doesn’t mean anything. And that temple charm? I don’t know anything.”

Clearly, he does. “Ten …” He reaches forward and takes Ten’s face with his hands. “Please don’t lie to me. What’s going on? And why does Yuta know about this and I don’t? You’re hiding something from me.”

Ten’s breathing becomes ragged, and his eyes become watery. It pains Johnny to see him like this, but if anything, this confirms that Ten _is_ hiding something.

“Johnny … I …”

He’s interrupted by a scream, a familiar one.

“Help! Someone! My son!”

_It’s Chanmi_. Johnny’s blood turns cold, and he’s up on his feet and heading to the balcony.

He finds Chanmi grabbing onto Donghyuck, who is about to fall from the apartment. Chanmi is already hunched, body halfway through the balcony, both of her hands struggling to pull up her son, to no avail.

They’re on the fifth floor, and the ground below them is nothing but concrete. If Chanmi’s grip slips …

He mentally shakes his head. It’s not going to happen. He’s not going to think about it. “Ten, call 119!”

“Got it!” Ten runs back inside.

The distance between their balcony and Chanmi’s is too far. Johnny would have wanted to get up and jump to the next apartment, but he doesn’t want to risk falling himself. “Noona!” Johnny calls. “Is your apartment door unlocked?”

Chanmi’s focus is still on Donghyuck, but he shakes his head. 

Johnny swears under his breath, looking at the ground below. There are no people around. “Hang on, noona! I’m gonna call security.”

Ten is using his cell phone, so he takes their apartment’s phone and dials security’s number. When the line lets out a busy tone, he dials the landlord’s number. No such luck either. 

“What the fuck.”

“They’re on their way,” Ten announces, setting his phone down. “If no one’s answering, let’s take matters to our own hands.”

Johnny nods, rushing to the bedroom. He grabs the end of their bed’s mattress and pulls it off, ignoring the thump of the pillows. “Open the door,” he tells Ten.

Ten does, and they’re about to head out when they hear Chanmi screaming “I can’t hold on! Help! Somebody!”

“We’re not gonna make it,” Ten says, panicked.

Johnny shakes his head. “We wouldn’t know until we try. Come on, let’s hurry!”

He takes one side of the mattress while Ten takes the other side. By then, they could already hear commotions throughout the complex. People are starting to hear Chanmi and are scrambling to help, but whether or not someone gets there in time—

“Johnny, I’m going for Donghyuck. We’re not gonna make it like this. I’m sorry.”

The other side of the mattress sinks to the ground, and Ten rushes past Johnny before he could even react.

“Ten!” Johnny drops the mattress and rushes toward his husband, who stops at the third floor and skids to one of the doors, knocking frantically.

The door opens, and before the irate-looking tenant in the unit could speak up, Ten rushes inside. Johnny follows, throwing the owner an apologetic look as he heads inside.

Chanmi screeches, and Johnny’s blood runs cold as he hears Donghyuck’s cries.

And it didn’t help that Ten suddenly opened the glass door to the balcony, jumping off and grabbing Donghyuck as he fell. Horrified screams could be heard from outside.

“Ten!” Images flash throughout Johnny’s mind as he watches Ten and Donghyuck fall to the ground. He closes his eyes, not bearing what was about to come—

Maybe it was white noise that Johnny couldn’t hear the sound of a crash, or of bones breaking, or screams from the people who have now gathered around the building. Or maybe, just maybe …

He opens his eyes, and he finds nothing that he had thought of. Ten is crouched on the ground, holding a sobbing Donghyuck in his arms. His husband is shaking, back heaving as he breathes heavily, but otherwise fine. _Alive_.

Soon, a crowd forms around them. The landlord drops the mattress and pulls Donghyuck out of Ten as a woman rubs soothing circles around the boy’s back. Ten shakily stands up and looks up, meeting Johnny’s gaze from above.

Something in Johnny’s mind clicks. He recognizes that gaze, though it was from green orbs that bore their way into his soul when he was a child.

Those orbs are gone as Ten closes his eyes, his body going limp and hitting the ground.

“Ten!”


	14. ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update. Got busy with life. This is a lot longer than other chapters, so hopefully this is worth the wait!

His view of the town from where he’s sitting in the jungle gym is dreary. The leaves of trees are in shades of orange and green, and the breeze leads him clutching his coat tighter.

Ten hates it. He likes it when it’s spring, when birds chirp more cheerfully, when some trees have pink blossoms, and how the breeze isn’t as chilling as autumn and winter.

Then again, next spring wouldn’t be so exciting. Not without Johnny by his side.

He’s going to the airport later. He’s leaving for Chicago in a few hours, and Ten won’t be able to see him again. Not until he gets into a good university in Chicago.

He grips the bar of the jungle gym too tightly that it hurts.

“I thought I’d find you here.”

His heart skips at the sound of the familiar voice. He looks over his shoulder and finds Johnny standing by the foot of the jungle gym. He’s carrying a huge backpack, and he’s bundled up in a coat that’s too big for him. It’s kind of cute. “Aren’t you going to the airport yet?” Ten asks, turning his gaze back to the view.

“We leave in a couple of hours. I wanted to say goodbye.”

Ten’s heart sinks, but he jumps down the jungle gym, wincing as his left ankle hits the ground. He walks toward Johnny, who wraps him in a warm hug. “I’m going to Chicago, I promise.”

“Study hard, okay?” Johnny sighs, tightening his grip around Ten.

Ten pulls away and meets Johnny’s honey-colored ones. How would his world be if this boy in front of him didn’t save him from the beach? All he had wanted then was to meet Johnny, but now …

“What are you thinking about?” Johnny asks, caressing Ten’s cheek.

Ten tries to smile. In a couple of hours, he won’t be seeing Johnny again. He needs to make the last few moments with him count. “Let’s just stay this way.”

Johnny smiles brightly, so brightly before closing the distance between their faces once more.

⏳

Ten wakes up to the sight of their ceiling. When he’s more conscious of his surroundings, he realizes that he’s lying down on the bed, wrapped around with a blanket.

When he sits up, he feels bone-deep exhaustion seeping through his body. Then, he remembers: Donghyuck falling off their balcony and him jumping from the balcony of the apartment below to catch him.

He remembers falling through four floors and remembering how to land on his feet like he always does.

And he did.

The last thing he remembers was meeting Johnny’s gaze from five floors up before his world went black.

“Hey.”

Ten looks over his shoulder and sees Johnny standing by the doorframe. He blinks at Ten, as if he had just seen a ghost, before tension seeps out of his body. “How are you feeling?”

He remembers Johnny had looked like him like he was someone else, someone who’s not his husband. The conversation ahead scares him. “I’m exhausted.” His stomach grumbles, and his face flushes. “And hungry.”

Johnny sighs. “I’ll make you something to eat. Get some rest.”

Ten didn’t realize he had passed out again until Johnny shook him awake. There’s a bowl of ramen on his other hand. “Eat up. We’ll talk later.”

He almost lost his appetite at those words. But he should have expected this.

Johnny disappears while Ten eats. He thinks it’s better this way, for now. At least, he has a few minutes figuring out what he’s supposed to say. He knows he has to come clean because the temple charm is already in Johnny’s hands. He didn’t even realize he had dropped it in Yuta’s car.

But dread grips him. What if Johnny leaves him because of this? He already looked disappointed this morning, scared when Ten had jumped down the building.

That’s not the best way to go.

Johnny returns just as Ten finishes his meal. “Chanmi noona just called,” he announces, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. “Donghyuck dislocated his shoulder, but otherwise he’s okay.”

Ten feels a bit of exhaustion seeping out. “That’s good.”

“She told me to thank you. For saving his life.” Johnny bites his bottom lip. “You could have died, you know. Why did you jump?”

He would lie like he always would. But then again, Ten doesn’t have much time. He doesn’t want to run away anymore.

He’ll deal with the effects when it’s all over.

“Ten?”

He shifts forward until he’s sitting next to Johnny that their knees are touching. He reaches for Johnny’s hand, enjoying how it envelopes his smaller hand. “Do you trust me?”

Johnny’s honey-colored eyes meet his. “I do.”

Ten’s heart leaps, squeezing Johnny’s hand. “I’ll tell you everything. But I want you to reserve all questions when I’m done, okay?”

His husband nods.

He takes his breath, ignores his ragged breathing, and begins.

He tells Johnny that day, eleven years ago, when Johnny found him stuck in the rocks by the beach. He was small, naive, and injured. If Johnny hadn’t used his blue temple charm to lure him out, Ten wouldn’t be here.

He tells Johnny running away from him, left leg limping, to return to his Mother. He had told Mother about the boy who saved him and how much he wanted to be by the boy’s side.

He tells Johnny how Mother presented him with the option to be human. But, it comes with a price: He’ll never live as long as any healthy human being. He can live only up to 25 human years old. Maybe less.

Still, Ten took the chance.

He tells Johnny how his health scare back in summer was a sign that it’s almost the end for him. He had tried bargaining with Mother, but she no longer has control over his life. He may not leave until the end of the year.

By the time he has finished, Johnny’s phone has beeped several times, yet he made no effort of checking it. Ten is grateful, but he has also gone more exhausted, more than he had felt these past few months. And that could only mean one thing.

“Babe, say something,” Ten says after a while, his voice cracking.

Johnny doesn’t. Instead, he turns to his side and pulls Ten to a hug. And that’s enough, for now.

“I …” Johnny finally says, after what feels like an eternity, when he’s stroking the back of Ten’s head. “I’m still having a hard time grasping what you just told me. But I promised to trust you, so I will.”

Ten sniffs, feels tears well up to his eyes. “It’s kinda hard to believe. Yuta still doesn’t believe me.”

“I’m kinda bummed you told Yuta first before I did.”

“I’m sorry.”

Johnny pulls away, cupping Ten’s face with his hands before leaning forward.

Ten meets him halfway, melting the moment their lips meet.

When they pull away, Johnny brings Ten to a hug. “I can’t believe you ate Yoochun.”

Ten laughs at that.

⏳

Ten wakes up the next day with a throbbing headache and tiredness incomparable to what he felt yesterday. His bones are on fire, and all he wants to do is take up all the space in the AC or … somewhere cold.

Beside him, Johnny groans, removing his arm around Ten to shift to the side to continue his sleep. Ten chuckles, remembering how yesterday ended up better than he expected, at least given the circumstances.

He decides to get up and make something to eat so he could take some aspirin. He turns on the tap and fills a glass of water, then takes out a pan and some frozen bacon.

His phone is on the dining room table, probably unattended since yesterday’s events. Ten remembers that he still hasn’t charged it and that he has to because Taeyong mentioned something about a dinner-meeting with a designer they want to hire.

Ten grabs his phone and opens his messaging app, frowning. That’s weird. It’s devoid of any message thread, excluding Johnny’s. A scroll at his Contacts list showed the same. What kind of glitch is this?

Knowing he won’t get the answer until he has his phone checked, he opens his Instagram app, which showed the same problem. And this time, he has no followers in his account except for Johnny.  _ Weird _ .

He remembers Taeyong’s Instagram account and sends a message.

**taeyong_lee**

tae!!!

for some reason, my phone is acting up

but

are we still good for dinner later

Taeyong replies within seconds, but the answer is not what Ten is expecting.

**taeyong_lee**

Sorry, who are you?

_ It can’t be. _ Ten’s body freezes, but he manages to type a reply.

**taeyong_lee**

???

ten lee???

your cousin

and business partner

I don’t have a cousin named Ten.

I only have one business partner.

is this some kind of joke?

I’m afraid not.

Please don’t talk to me again.

Or I’m blocking you.

Ten scrolls through Taeyong’s account, his mind swimming. It’s all full of their work designs, cooking, Jaehyun …

He finally stops at the photo of their team trip to Busan. It would be easy to find Ten, squeezed between Taeyong and Yuta in the center of the photo.

But Ten wasn’t there. Taeyong and Yuta have their arms over each other’s shoulders, closing the space that Ten was supposed to be in. As if he was never on the trip in the first place.

Ten runs a hand through his hair as he sits down lest his legs give way. He opens Yuta, Kun, and Sicheng’s Instagram profiles, scrolling through the photos and checking if he’s there.

Nothing. Even in the photos where he was supposed to be in.

It’s as if he doesn’t exist.

He locks his phone and buries his face in his hands. This can’t be happening. At least, not too soon. Could yesterday’s incident have sped up things …?

He hears the sound of the bedroom door opening. Ten looks over his shoulder and sees Johnny step out, rubbing his eyes. He freezes on his tracks and stares at Ten as if he had grown horns. “I didn’t dream last night, did I?”

A bit of tension that had built up in Ten’s body seeped out somewhat. Johnny still remembers him. He shakes his head.

Johnny sets down his hand. “Okay.” He moves forward until he’s leaning down and closing the distance between them.

Ten didn’t realize he was shaking until he stops. He pulls away when he chokes slightly, and it was then he realizes that he had teared up.

“What’s wrong?” Johnny’s eyebrows furrow, his thumb wiping the tears.

He said he wants to be more open to Johnny, but this is not something he wants to say. “I thought …” he croaks. “... you were going to leave me after yesterday.”

Johnny’s forehead de-creases as he offers a small smile. “Never.”

Ten sobs and Johnny pulls him for a hug.

He doesn’t want to let Johnny know about what’s happening. His friends and cousin forgetting him mean only one thing: he’ll be disappearing anytime soon.

And he wants to make the most of today without having the mood ruined.

“Johnny?” he says, voice almost muffled with his face buried in Johnny’s sweat.

“Yeah?” his husband asks, pulling Ten closer.

“Let’s go to Yeosu. I want you to meet someone.”

⏳

As always, Mother is sitting by the yard, eating an orange. Lying on her lap is Eleven, purring and stretching contentedly.

She looks up as soon as they reach the top of the stairs, regarding Ten first, then Johnny, then their intertwined hands. “Have you told him?”

Ten nods. He looks at Johnny, pulling him forward. “I’d like you to meet Mother. She’s the reason why I’m … like this.”

“Oh.” Johnny looks at her as if she has horns. “Um … Nice to meet you.”

Mother shoos Eleven out of her lap and stands up, taking slow steps toward them. She’s just a few inches below Johnny’s shoulders, so she tilts her head up and nods. “You’ve taken care of Ten for the past few years. Thank you.”

Johnny blinks, opening his mouth to say something, but he closes it then nods.

“Feel free to stay for the night,” she says, turning her back on them before heading inside. “I’ll make dinner.”

Johnny speaks only when the front door closes. “She’s … nice, I guess.”

“You’re not her child figure, that’s why.” Ten chuckles. “Do you wanna walk around?”

“Where do you have in mind?”

⏳

Being in the playground feels like being back in time. Although he and Johnny have always hung out here whenever they’re back in Yeosu, Ten would bring his thoughts back to a couple of memories.

The first time he and Johnny kissed.

And that time he and Johnny parted ways before Johnny left for Chicago.

He wants this moment to be as memorable as the last.

Ten grips the metal bars of the jungle gym, pushing himself up and using as much strength he could master to climb to the top. His bones are on fire, but he bites his lip to ignore the pain. This would be the last, among many things.

The jungle gym shakes as he makes it to the top. To his surprise, Johnny is climbing his way to the top, too.

“Now I get why you like being on top of the jungle gym,” Johnny says, sliding backward the jungle gym until the metal hits the back of his knees. “The view’s amazing.”

“Right?” Ten smiles, leaning his head on Johnny’s shoulder.

Johnny turns his head and presses his lips against Ten’s hair. “I’m not gonna forget, you know.”

“Hmm?”

“I’m not gonna forget you. Never. I don’t care what your mother told you, but that’s not gonna happen.”

Tears prickle his eyes, and he pulls his head up and shifts away slightly, grip tight on the metal rods. “Was I a good husband?”

Johnny scoffs. “Why are you using the past tense?”

“Just answer my question, Johnny.”

Hands sneak to cup his face and tilt his up. Johnny’s honey-colored eyes are beautiful despite the tears brimming on its edge. “You always will be, Ten Lee.”

Ten smiles, his vision blurry. “Even if I were reborn another time, I feel like I’ll find you again.” He reaches for his pocket and takes out the blue temple charm. One hand grips Johnny’s and pulls it down while the other places the charm on his husband’s palm. “When that happens, let’s start over, okay?”

Johnny bites his bottom lip. “Ten,” he chokes out before moving forward and pulling Ten into an embrace.

They look like idiots, two grown adults hugging and kissing and crying on top of the playground’s metal jungle gym. But for his last moments, Ten couldn’t ask for anything more that felt right.

  
  


⏳

  
  


It happens in the middle of the night.

Ten wakes up with arms wrapped around him. He’s wearing nothing but his underwear, and so does Johnny, who’s still fast asleep. It might explain why he’s shivering, but he knows otherwise.

_ It’s time. _

By instinct, he reaches for his husband’s hand. “Johnny?”

Johnny groans, slowly opening his eyes. But instead of the usual concern he shows when Ten wakes him up, Johnny gives him a look of confusion. “Who are you?”

His heart sinks. He has long prepared for this, but it hurts. He releases his grip and runs a hand through his hair. “You’re dreaming. Go back to sleep.”

Johnny falls back asleep without a second thought, and Ten releases a sob he didn’t know he had been keeping since he woke up. He gets up and reaches for his clothes strewn to the floor, tiptoeing out of the bedroom.

Mother was sitting in the living room, shoulders wrapped in a shawl. She looks over her shoulder and meets her gaze. She smiles, slightly enough to lessen the dread in his stomach.

“It’s time, my son.”

“I know.” He sits beside her, shifting so that his head is on her lap. 

She strokes his hair. “Rest now, child,” she whispers. “You’ve lived well.”

“I hope I did.” Ten does as she says so, drifting out of consciousness as she hums a lullaby.

The last thing he remembers was being lifted from the rocky on the beach, Johnny’s honey-colored eyes, and bright smile.

When the sun rises, he doesn’t wake up.


	15. johnny

The alarm clock rings, and Johnny groans, reaching for his phone. The time is 6:00 am, and he has two more hours before work.

He glances at the date, which is the most important part.

_ February 9 _ . He turns 26 today.

Soon, his phone screen drowns of notifications on social media, all from friends and colleagues greeting him. He’ll thank them tomorrow because today is going to be busy.

He goes about his usual morning routine: brushing his teeth, getting a shower, and getting dressed. He grabs a frozen bagel from the fridge and microwaves it, then makes coffee.

He still has some time before leaving, so he takes his breakfast to the dining table and relaxes for a bit.

“Your apartment is too large,” his mother had told him the last time he had flown to Chicago. “You should have settled with someplace smaller. That, or get a roommate. Or a significant other.”

Johnny had rolled his eyes at that. Honestly, he can’t remember what had drawn him to rent this apartment, but he always trusts his hunch. Probably it’s the fact that he has a huge space to himself or that the furnishings fit his style. Either way, he had known that he wasn’t going to let this place go.

And because of that, his place is the frequent venue for parties with his friends, including his own birthday party. When someone gets too drunk to go home, Johnny would just set up the sofa bed.

The ring of his doorbell brings him back to reality. Johnny smiles as he gets up; he could already hear the voice from outside: an excited child.

“Hyung!” Donghyuck jumps and spreads his arms, hugging him in his middle. “Happy birthday!”

Johnny chuckles, rubbing Donghyuck’s head. “Thanks, Hyuckie. I can’t believe you remembered.” He remembers mentioning it once when Donghyuck was bored during one of their tutoring sessions and decided to ask Johnny lots of questions.

“Of course! I have a gift for you!” He sets down his backpack, zips it open, and pulls out a sheet of paper. “Here you go!”

Johnny’s chest swells as he looks at the drawing of him, with what he assumes is Donghyuck right next to him. He crouches down and pats Donghyuck’s head. “I love it. Thank you.”

He’s a little late for work because he had to hang the drawing on his bedroom wall. Johnny notices that there’s a large amount of space next to his drawing, and while he knows that was unintentional, he wonders what it would be like if someone would fill it next to him.

⏳

**taeyong [7:14 pm]**

where are you?

everyone’s at the lobby rn!

**johnny [7:15 pm]**

sorry!

doyoung and i got held up last-minute at work

plus we bought last-minute supplies

be there in 5 min

Taeyong and the others brought too much stuff. It’s a Tuesday night, and he isn’t expecting anything other than chicken, side dishes, and drinks. But, Kun brought a portable griller, meat, and some lettuce, so no wonder they were getting strange looks on their way to the elevator.

But once they get inside Johnny’s apartment, everyone settles comfortably. Taeyong and Kun do the cooking while Yuta and Sicheng argue over what movie they should watch while waiting. Jaehyun had stepped out because of an urgent phone call. Johnny volunteers to help, but they shoo him off because he’s the birthday boy and he should be relaxing.

So he heads to his room to get a change of clothes, sighing as he switches from his usual semi-casual dress shirt and pants to a sweater and sweatpants. He’ll look out of place from everyone else wearing their work clothes, but he lives here and is the birthday boy, so whatever.

He opens his bedroom door to party poppers and screams of “Happy Birthday!” Suddenly, everyone’s singing and Jaehyun emerges with a cake with two candles (“2” and “6”).

“Make a wish, Johnny!” Taeyong says once everyone has stopped singing.

Johnny closes his eyes and thinks of the year that has passed. It honestly feels like a blur, maybe because of work. Although sometimes he feels like there’s a haze of memories in there, stored away in his brain for some reason.

In those hazes, he makes out a figure of someone. He doesn’t recognize that person, nor can he get a glimpse of what they look like, but Johnny feels a pull toward them like they’re somehow connected …

Somehow, his hunch tells him that the figure belongs to the space next to cartoon Johnny in Donghyuck’s drawing.

“Johnny, you’re crying …”

It’s Jaehyun’s words that bring him back to reality. Johnny opens his eyes to a blurry vision, though he can tell his friends are now looking concerned.

He doesn’t know what made him cry, but as he thinks of the hazy figure, an ache in his chest follows.

Just like all those other times for the past few months.

⏳

Johnny barely notices that spring is ending until he feels the need to shrug off his jacket when he heads to the nearby park for a lunch break. He had a particularly rough day, with his editor being more demanding than ever, and he wants to get away from the office for a bit.

The park usually isn’t the first place he would go to, but a change of scenery should do him good. He sits down on one of the benches, takes out his sandwich, and sips his Americano.

At least, the sight before him is doing wonders in easing his mood. Children are playing, their mothers chatting by the benches. Some pop music is playing somewhere, and a few street food vendors push their carts, ready to operate for the day.

His thoughts are interrupted when he hears a soft mew and a brush of fur against his leg. Johnny looks down and sees a black cat with the most curious green eyes he has ever seen. The cat looks up at him, blinks, and mews.

Johnny practically coos. He sets down his sandwich on the bench and crouches down to pet the kitten. “Hey there, buddy,” he says, “where’s your human?”

Obviously, the kitten doesn’t reply. Instead, it purs and rubs its neck on Johnny’s leg.

“Hey, there you are!”

The cat perks up and Johnny feels the absence of fur as it scampers away. He follows the cat’s trail until it stops and bounces up once a pair of slender legs come into view.

“Don’t you run away, baby girl. We still haven’t bought you a collar.”

Johnny’s gaze moves up to get a look at the cat’s owner.

And, well.

The first thing he feels is a loud thump against his ribcage, then a pause in his heartbeat. Johnny lets out a slight gasp as if the person before him isn’t real.

The haze he has imagined all this time seems to have cleared up. The person before him is beautiful. His hair is blonde, though he’s sure he would look amazing in any hair color or style. His big and bright eyes are sparkling as he picks up the kitten and cradles it in his arms. 

A silver cord sparkles against his white shirt, and when the cat shifts, Johnny could see a simple, gold band around it.

Without thinking, Johnny stands up quickly, almost knocking down his Americano.

The man before him looks away from the cat and locks gazes with Johnny. A smile spreads across his face, and he’s more beautiful when he smiles, Johnny thinks.

In the back of his mind, things click, as if this day was a long time coming.

“Do you like cats?” the man asks him as the cat snuggles to his chest.

Johnny smiles and he remembers the cat he had saved on the beach in his hometown when he was a kid. Come to think of it, it looks like the cat nuzzling its head on the man’s chest. “She’s adorable.”

“Just adopted her.” The man scratches the cat’s chin. “Haven’t given her a name yet, but I already love her.”

Johnny tries not to melt but fails. He usually never introduces himself if he’s making small talk with a stranger, even if they’re cute, but some force tells him to make an exception. He takes a step forward. “I’m Johnny.”

The man blinks, and Johnny would have thought he was too forward until he hears a reply. “I’m Ten.”

_ Ten.  _ He commits the name to memory. “Well, Ten, this may sound too forward, but can I take you out to dinner this weekend?”

“Can this little buddy come along?”

“Why not?” He chuckles.

Ten smiles, and it seems to light up his entire being. Somehow, Johnny has a great feeling about this counter.

“Then, yes. It’s a date.”

⌛ THE END ⌛

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that brings an end to _all we are is ephemeral_. I’m not quite satisfied with the story overall, but I am proud that I finally managed to finish a multi-chaptered fic.
> 
> A special thank you to everyone who read, commented, kudos-ed, and bookmarked my fic. You’re my motivation to see this fic through the end.
> 
> As always, you can talk to me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/loveseosweet) or [CuriousCat](https://curiouscat.me/loveseosweet). I’m not as active as I used to ((preparing for law school)), but I’ll do my best to reply.


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